


As Long As It Takes

by xxxraquelita



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-25 23:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxraquelita/pseuds/xxxraquelita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a common thread that held the entire world together, a singular thought that infiltrated most minds more often than not until it reached fruition. Everyone had someone that was out there in the world waiting for them, someone they were destined to spend the rest of their lives with, and Blaine Anderson was no exception. Meeting his soul mate was a moment he'd been dreaming of and imagining ever since he was old enough to know he had one. It was a moment that he anticipated replaying over and over again in his mind -- that first moment when he'd known. No matter how much he'd thought about it, read about it, dreamed about it, nothing could have prepared him for the actual moment itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Blaine Big Bang. Thanks to slayerkitty for throwing the idea my way, whenidance for being my amazing beta, and animateglee for making all the amazing art you'll find throughout the story.

Blaine remembered when Cooper got sick.

 

It had been back before he really understood how everything worked, before the year of school where they considered the children old enough to be told all the details of how their lives should work – how their lives _had_ to work – and all he’d been told was that his brother was suffering heartbreak. That was what people always said and it was a nondescript, almost cutesy way of saying exactly what was going on. Except there was nothing nondescript or cutesy about it.

 

There was no way Blaine would ever forget that first time he went to see Cooper at the hospital.

 

He’d never seen his brother even remotely ill, never a cold in the winter or a sneezing fit in the spring. Never anything, which is why it had been like a jolt to the system when he’d seen his brother lying in that hospital bed, pale and sweating and verging on delirium. _That_ was what had been caused by heartbreak. _That_ was the first time Blaine had truly started to question anything.

 

It was just a fact of nature that everyone had a soul mate. It was told in every bedtime story, every fable, any book that was ever opened – every person on the planet had a soul mate and one day, they would each get to meet theirs. Blaine had been told about it for as long as he could remember, picked up on little pieces as he went – like how he’d started noticing the marks on peoples’ skin and taken a marker from his arts and crafts bin to draw marks on all the action figures and dolls in the toy chest.

 

That was the world he’d lived in, the world where everyone got paired off with smiles on their faces and lived happily ever after, because that was all he’d known. Until Cooper got sick.

 

Heartbreak was all anyone had told him at first, which had been frustrating even at his young age. Eventually his mother had given in, and once he was older he realized it had only been because they’d thought Cooper wasn’t going to make it. The bedtime stories had never gotten into specifics about what happened when a person found their soul mate, the actual events between the realization and the happily ever after. He’d never know there were repercussions if things didn’t go the way they were supposed to. Yet there they’d been with Cooper, night after night in the hospital and watching the hours tick away.

 

He still hadn’t fully understood it all, which was probably why no one usually told nine-year-olds the semantics of the system. All he knew was that Cooper had found her, found _the one_ , and then she’d slipped away from him – or maybe he’d slipped away from her – and that meant his heart was broken and could only last so long without being whole, without her being there, before he’d be gone. Thankfully there were nurses at each hospital dedicated to trying to find if other halves of pairs had also been brought in, because if they could just get them in the same room…

 

Cooper survived, but not for lack of his entire family being convinced he wouldn’t. A nurse found _her_ , somehow, and moved her into the room with him – and Blaine remembered how instant the change had been. The way the beeping on whatever monitor was hooked up to his brother had evened out, how Cooper had breathed like normal and didn’t look two steps from death’s door once she was there. Within an hour he was lucid, another and he was talking, and by the next day discharged with her – Anna – by his side.

 

It meant that he was ahead of most everyone else in his class when the day came that they were sat down to learn more about the process. He’d seen what it was like first hand, and apparently at least one other student had as well because they were the only other one who didn’t look horrified by the revelation that something bad could happen from what they’d only ever known to be beautiful. It _was_ horrifying, but to him the information wasn’t a surprise. While the majority of his peers were having their world full of love, soul mates, happy endings every time, shattered for the first time, he sat there knowing for certain what it was like – he’d _seen_ what it was like.

 

It meant that when he came of age, he was equal parts excited and terrified.


	2. Chapter One

 

 

 

Moving to New York City had been an easy choice for Blaine to make once he'd been done with high school. The majority of colleges he'd applied to were there, and the ones that hadn't been were only backup plans in case none of the other choices panned out. It had just come down to choosing the one that he wanted and then heading off to the city he'd thought about living in for years. New York was big, it was full of people, and that meant that there was a sense of anonymity that he kind of wanted to cherish. His apartment wasn't anywhere near his school, but the commute was something that he genuinely enjoyed. There was something about the steady rock of the subway, lulling and keeping him at peace with his thoughts between each stop when people got off and on.

 

It was just so easy for him to get lost in his thoughts, because there were so many things to think about. Cooper was always right there at the forefront, like a daily recurring nightmare of what could happen to him if he weren't careful. There were other examples, other thoughts, people who he'd seen matched and happily so, and he _knew_ that was the more common occurrence than things going badly, but he'd _seen_ it happen. He wasn't sure if he'd chosen a big city because there was more of a chance of him finding his soul mate there with the higher population or if he'd done it so it was less likely to happen for the exact same reason.

 

Deep down Blaine was a romantic, and he knew that. He yearned for what he'd heard in all the stories growing up, the stories he had stuck in his memory from before everything had gotten turned on its head. He wanted the happily ever after, to meet eyes with someone and just _know_ beyond knowing that he was theirs, they were his, and that there was the one piece of the rest of his life that he needed. Cooper hadn't stayed stuck on what had happened, didn't dwell on how he'd almost died, but that had to have been easier for him considering that he had Anna. He _had_ his soul mate and they were there going through life together, side by side, with so much love between them. Blaine could only hope that when he found his person, his soul mate, his head would stop being stuck in the past and focusing on what had happened before.

 

Part of him had expected it to happen right away, though he didn't know why. He'd come of age and felt no change at all – though no one had ever said that he should. None of his friends had had anything happen right when they'd come of age, other than an extra lavish birthday party to celebrate them moving into the next stage of their lives. He'd had one of those too, and for that one day he'd been able to block out the memories of the hospital and focused on the happiness that his future could very well hold. It was just a matter of where, when, and most importantly _who_. The who was what he wanted to know more than anything, but he tried not to focus on that as he went through his life.

 

Ohio, New York, it didn't matter where he was – he knew he couldn't live every day like he was waiting for someone. He had to do what he could to just _live_ or he would go crazy. That wasn't uncommon, people fixating on the search and ending up broke and on the streets because they weren't working, just looking, and after so long they couldn't sustain themselves any longer. There was also no guarantee that he would find his soul mate within any certain time – he'd heard stories of people not meeting until they were much older than he was. That was why he hadn't been surprised when it hadn't happened soon after his coming of age, and why he'd decided not to center his life around something that he was still concerned about.

 

That didn't mean he didn't hope. Between the lulling rock of the subway train, every time it stopped at a station, Blaine would watch the doors and the people flowing through them with the hope that his heart would leap, that he would see a face and just _know_. But it didn't happen.

 

New York was like a safe haven for people who didn't want to be found – most big cities were. It was all for the reasons that he'd gone there, the ability to hide in plain sight, but he was still hoping that the other reason was the one that came true. The hope that because there were so many people there, his soul mate was out there waiting.

 

College went by in a blur, classes after class with peers who were nice friends to have but none of whom were there for _him_. It was hard to ignore how so many of them found who they were looking for there in the school. Blaine had never fully understood the science behind how they worked, how the system had come to be – they'd been taught that it had always been that way, though it had evolved through the years as times had changed. He'd always been more of an artistic minded person than someone who excelled in biology or philosophy, so he'd tried not to think too much on it beyond what had been explained over the years from various sources, be them teachers, his parents, other members of authority.

 

All he knew was that he watched as one after another, his fellow students and friends managed to find their soul mates either there at the college or out in the city, and he was happy for them – he truly was. There needed to be as many success stories as there could be, and Blaine was glad to witness so many of them. They gave him hope, gave him something to focus on when his mind tried to remind him of Cooper. His brother _had_ been a success story, in the end, but that never seemed to stand out as much as the bad parts. Wasn't that always the way?

 

After three years of living in New York, three years of riding the subway, three years of classes that introduced him to some of the best friends he'd ever made but none of whom were the one, Blaine started to think that maybe he'd made the wrong move. Logically he knew he could have done everything right and it just might not be the right time, but there was only so much he could take of watching the people around him go from being lonely souls to the happiest of their life, leaving him behind, before he started to doubt himself. Statistics were on the side of his doubt, on the side of the fact that he should have found them already. Finding someone late happened, but it was more common to find them between the ages of eighteen and twenty-two, prime college years – perfect for getting everything sorted out by the time both soul mates would be starting their careers.

 

It was enough to make Blaine consider that once he was done he should move back someplace smaller, that maybe he was making things worse by living in a city where the odds were like they were. Because even if he found them in a crowded cafe or bar – both types of places that he'd gone to frequently just on the off chance that he'd feel something, that he would know they were there – how could he pick them out of the mass of people? He wanted to think that he would know just by looking, he'd _heard_ that he would know just by seeing their face, but everyone was different so he wasn't convinced. There was only so much he could control, and a big part of him was still terrified even if he did see them and know, did find them, that something horrible would happen. Like with Cooper. He didn't want to be a skeptic, but he started to think he was becoming one.

 

Until a morning that the subway line he usually transferred to get to school was broken down and he had to take another one, detouring him out of his way but it wasn't like he had a choice, and as he stood in the car and let the rocking of the train soothe over his mind, he felt a pulling in his chest.

 

Blaine's eyes flew open immediately when he felt it, the little tug at his heart that was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. It was as though he was equal parts panicked and excited, like emotion was crashing through him like waves against the shore and there was nothing he could do to tamp it down as the feeling grew stronger. It was _yearning_ plain and simple, like everything inside him was being pulled in one direction, and it just kept getting more insistent as the train came to a stop at the next station and he was so strong he felt like his heart was taking over his entire body and screaming at him that _this_ was it and he needed to _do something_.

 

It wasn't his stop, it wasn't even close to where he needed to be, but Blaine made his way off the train as quickly as he could and let his eyes scan over the people gathered on the platform, waiting for _someone_ to jump out at him. He could feel his heart pounding so hard against his ribcage, his breath drawing in so quick and shallow in anticipation, like his body couldn't spare enough energy to let him take a full breath, but no matter how many faces he looked at there was nothing that made him react any more than he already was. His hands were practically shaking with the sudden onslaught of emotion, and he ran them both through his hair to try and calm himself down as the chime sounded from the speakers and the doors to the train closed, and he watched it pull away from the platform and zoom off down the tunnel.

 

As soon as it was moving away from him, Blaine could feel the tension releasing from his body, like everything he'd felt was washing off him and it hadn't been happening at all. But it _had_ been and no matter how quickly it went away, he couldn't forget how it had felt. It was like everything he'd been told would happen _had_ been happening, but it had been much more intense than he had ever anticipated. No matter how many stories he'd been told, no matter how many people tried to explain to him what the feeling was, there were no words that could have ever described how that had felt. It was everything he'd ever heard but amplified tenfold from what he'd thought.

 

"I should have gotten back on the train," he mumbled to himself, his hands dropping down to his sides from where they'd been resting in his hair as he tried to acclimate back to feeling normal after feeling like _that._

 

It would have made more sense if he had, because they'd been _there_ – they had to have been. Of course they'd gotten on the train – why else would they have been at that platform? He let out a shaky breath and looked up at the board on the wall, checking to see when the next train would be coming through. It was too late, they were gone, and he knew he was going to be late to class but he didn't care. There had been such a chance that he could have met his soul mate, he had _felt them_ there, and if there was ever an excuse to be late to anything it was that. It just meant that he had to make sure to take the same train at the same time the next morning, despite his schedule being different, because there was a chance he could find them then.

 

 

 

 

That was all he could think about for the entire day, through all his classes – how he needed to be able to retrace his steps to get to that moment again, but to get further than he had. He kept replaying what had happened, over and over, the phantom pangs of everything he’d felt twinging through him as he thought about that first moment of feeling, that first moment of _knowing_ , and it was like watching himself in slow motion. It was equal parts thrilling and painful, because they had been _right there_ , he knew they had been, there was no other explanation for how he’d felt.

 

Had they felt the same thing that he had? Blaine knew that everyone was similar but different in that regard, that no two people experienced it quite the same way, but he couldn’t help but wonder.

 

All he knew was that nothing could have prepared him for what he’d felt – no books, classes, stories, firsthand accounts from relatives and friends, nothing. He wasn’t even sure if there were words in the English language that could accurately even begin to depict or describe everything that had gone through him in those brief seconds. That was the other thought that took over his thoughts as the day went on – that hadn’t even been it. If that was what it felt like just when he was _close_ , what would it possibly feel like when he _met_?

 

That was the thought that kept him awake that night, staring at the ceiling in the almost darkness of his room, the street light peeking in through the curtains in his room the only thing keeping it from being pitch black. He couldn’t wrap his mind around feeling anything more intense than he had already, wasn’t sure if he physically could without feeling he was going to burst, but he knew it was coming. Blaine _knew_ it was coming, and it wasn’t even something that he had to shove off to some point in the distant future because they’d been _there_ that morning and he was going to go back and find them for real the next time.

 

The thought that he might be meeting the one person he got to spend the rest of his life with the next morning was even more difficult to try and comprehend. It was what he’d been waiting for his entire life up to that point, a concept more in the forefront of his mind in recent years than it had been before, and the fact that he was potentially on the precipice of it was enough to make his head feel like it was reeling. It was almost too much to bear, just the _possibility_ , but it was so distinct and _right there_ that he couldn’t help but start to feel what he’d started to lose. Hope.

 

Hope was what he felt last before he fell asleep that night and then the first thing he felt the next morning when he woke up, because he finally had some kind of grasp on his future. His heart and mind was so full of it as he got ready, downing a cup of coffee after getting dressed, checking the time every few minutes to see how minutes were left before he would be on track to follow the same schedule as the day before, before finally leaving his apartment and heading for the subway station to take his new route to campus, though he knew it wasn’t school that he was heading for.

 

There were only two stops before the one he’d gotten off at the day before, and there was an overwhelming feeling of anticipation inside him as the train moved to each one – and it seemed slower than on the average day but he figured that was just him. As soon as it pulled away from the second stop, Blaine could feel his heart quickening, starting to race a little as he moved closer to where he knew he needed to be. The closer they got, the more he felt like adrenaline was starting to race through his body, but as the train went from rushing down the tracks to starting to brake for the upcoming platform, he knew something was wrong.

 

It wasn’t even that something was wrong; it was that nothing was _right_.

 

The train came to a stop and the doors opened, and Blaine stood there unmoving, staring out at the platform and all the people moving on it. There was no pull in his chest, no feeling of _needing_ to get out, to go anywhere, to try and find anyone, nothing. Everything he’d felt, it had all been building up inside of him in anticipation of something that wasn’t happening, not _because_ something was going to happen. Blaine felt like it was all coming crashing down as the doors shut again and the train went sweeping off to the next stop.

 

It was like the train pulling away from the platform, away from the one place where he’d _felt it_ , was representative of how he felt for the entire rest of the day. That feeling of being taken away from the place in which he’d set such hopes, on a one way track away from it and getting further down the line the longer he waited, the longer he thought about it. It was almost a feeling of hopelessness, just because he’d been so close that once but because he hadn’t been able to replicate it by following the exact same steps, who was to say he’d ever be able to again?

 

The leap from disappointment in the moment to defeat overall was a quick one, though Blaine knew he shouldn’t let himself fall into that mindset. It was one day, it had barely been twenty-four hours since he’d _felt_ them there, and just because he hadn’t felt it _that_ day didn’t mean everything was lost. There was a difference between saying the rational things to himself and his mind actually processing them, however, and it didn’t seem to matter how much he told himself it was okay, it wouldn’t stop the overarching numbness that he felt from his failure of a morning.

 

That was why the rest of the day seemed to drag, like every minute passing took an hour and every hour even longer. Blaine thought he was just being dramatic but it really was as though every time he looked at the clock, it had barely moved. His classes seemed to take forever, though he could have just gone straight home from the failed attempt to find his soul mate and retained the same amount of information because by the time everything was over and done with, he didn’t remember anything that had been said. All he remembered, after a day of his life, was how it started with such a big disappointment that nothing else mattered.

 

By the time Blaine got home, he’d grown so tired of thinking about it. Missed opportunities were one thing but this was _such_ a big moment, or at least it could have been – the biggest moment in his life. But that was also why he tried to keep some rational thought mixed in with the memory of the train pulling away from the platform earlier that day, because he knew that it had just been chance the first time and he’d tried to recreate something with so many variables that he didn’t even know. So he shouldn’t feel so downtrodden after just one day because it was _one day_ and maybe the next one would go better.

 

One day turned into two, then three, and when the weekend hit, Blaine wasn’t sure whether he should take a break from his self-induced torture or keep at it. It was a short lived question because the bigger thought was, what if he didn’t go and that was the day they showed up again? Being there and waiting to see if it would happen was a better option than being at home in his apartment where he knew nothing would. He wished he had more to go on that just some subway station, but he didn’t, so he figured he would keep working with what he had.

 

 

 

It was one of the nicer stations, at least, and Blaine found a bench to sit on near the stairs that people used to go to and from the platform, settling in with his books that he’d brought so he could work on assignments for his classes while he sat and waited. The noise of the platform was something that he was used to, having spent a fair amount of time in the past several years of his life waiting for trains, but it was different when he was just sitting there and taking it in for hours at a time instead of just a few minutes here or there. He’d gone prepared, though, and had headphones plugged into his iPod before he even took out his first book to read through.

 

Blaine knew he didn’t have to be alert at first, didn’t have to be careful to listen or keep his eyes open and looking around the platform and the people on it every second he was there. There was no reason for him not to focus solely on his school work while he waited, and more than anything else it helped to have something else to focus on rather than the time passing, the people walking past. It made it easier for him to sit there, practically ignoring his surroundings to keep his attention on what was directly in front of him, waiting in the one place that had given him hope and then snatched it away, hoping for that feeling again but trying not to hope too much – which he helped tamper down by keeping his thoughts off the reason he was there.

 

That feeling was why Blaine could _not_ pay attention to the platform and still know that if his soul mate were to be there, he would know. He remembered that feeling so well, had the tug to his heart memorized like he’d known it his whole life, and that was why he didn’t have to look. The first time, the only time, he hadn’t been looking – he hadn’t even _been_ there and he’d still felt it, still known.

 

There were moments he thought he felt it again, from a train flying past or a rush of people walking by, but it wasn’t ever the same. With the train he figured it was the gust of air, the chill that would hit him from it, running up his spine and making his skin tingle. The people – well, it was that flicker of hope that one of them would be who he was looking for, but if they were walking that close to him he was sure he would have felt something before they’d gotten there.

 

It was that flicker of hope that kept him from feeling downtrodden when he would leave the station for the day, that helped him ignore that pang of fear that as soon as he left, that was when they would be there. That feeling that he got when the train went by, or people walked past, was how he knew that he wasn’t giving up because clearly his heart still believed that they were going to be there – otherwise why would it leap like that at the mere fact of a stranger walking by? It was because Blaine was looking for a stranger, though they wouldn’t be for long once he’d met them, so every person was a reason to hope even though he knew better to think it could be them when they were right there and he hadn’t felt anything worth him looking up from his books.

 

That was why Blaine kept going, didn’t let himself give up. And that was why he was sitting on the platform when he felt _that feeling_ , the right one, again.

 

It was like a sudden tug in his chest, like someone had reached inside and given his heart a squeeze, their fingers dragging against on the way out as if they were trying to pull but it was too slippery.

 

Blaine immediately looked up from his book, drawing in a sharp breath as his eyes scanned over the part of the subway platform he could see. There were so many people – a train had just pulled in and everyone was getting off and on and there were just _so many people_ – for him to try and look over while his heart was beating hard inside his chest. He didn't even realize he had closed his book, slid it into his bag without thought, so he could get up and move from his bench without leaving his things and potentially having them stolen – as if some school books being stolen would even matter if that day was the day he finally got to meet them. Even with how many people were milling around the platform, he couldn't get discouraged – not with how it still felt like he was being pulled into the mass of humanity there, on a mission.

 

It was far more intense than it had been the first time, when it had been a gradual growing as the train got closer to the station, the feeling inside him swelling and feeling like he was going to overflow from it. That time it was much more immediate, the way Blaine felt like it was happening all at once, how the instance he'd felt before was multiplied but instead of it being for him to get off the train it was for him to look, to search, to _find_ whoever it was so he could know them.

 

Faces started to blur together the more he looked around, and he was sure some of the people who were there thought he was out of his mind with how he was scavenging through the crowd, but he couldn't help it. After so many days of being there and feeling nothing to make him think he wasn't crazy for what he'd felt the first time, the fact that he was feeling anything at all made him not care what anyone thought of him for it. What did their opinions matter? They didn't, to him, and all he could do was keep looking through the crowd.

 

The yearning he was feeling kept growing, almost to the point where he thought he was going to have to stop for a second because it was so intense and his chest felt like it was going to burst if he didn't get to them soon. His eyes only left the crowd when the train pulled away, shifting to focus on the cars zipping down the tunnel and away from him, worried for the briefest moment that he'd missed his chance and waiting for the feeling inside him to die down, but it didn't. That was the only reason he knew he hadn't completely lost them again, why he still had hope that after sitting there on that bench for countless hours, finally he might have found the day when it was going to happen.

 

People brushed by him, so many different people nudging him out of the way, and Blaine might have cared except that it felt like his skin was tingling, all the way down to his fingertips and toes, like his entire body was thrumming with this energy that had no way of escaping but that needed a release of _some_ kind. He closed his eyes for a second, hating to take the time away from looking but needing a moment to center himself or he had a feeling he might actually go a little crazy from it all, but that second was all it took for someone to bump into him harder than anyone had yet – and his eyes flew open immediately. What he saw looking down at him were the most intensely indescribable (blue? grey? green? he didn't know) eyes that he'd ever seen.

 

And just like that, his body seemed free of the frenzy of emotion that had taken over it, like the calm after the storm – maybe that was what those eyes were, the color of a storm – and all Blaine could do was let out a slow exhale as he felt the tension fade away and his body relax in the aftermath.

 

"You..."

 

"I'm sorry," the man offered, those eyes of his so full of concern. Blaine shook his head, unable to look away from him because _that_ was him, he _knew_ it was. There wasn't any way he couldn't be, not after everything that he'd been feeling and how it had all just disappeared as soon as he saw him standing there. "I had this headache and wasn't watching where I was going."

 

Blaine wouldn't have cared if the man had knocked him down, honestly, because everything about him was perfect. He was lost in his voice, the soft lilt carrying over the mechanical sounds of the subway whooshing by on the other side of the tracks, the noise of the people there on the platform with him. It was lyrical – he'd barely said anything and Blaine knew that he was completely wrapped up in it, but how could he avoid it? And that was just one part of him, there was so much more – like how his hair was swept up away from his forehead in the most impeccable way, a light streak toward the front of it drawing Blaine's eye as he looked up at him, the light freckles that dusted across his skin, how he had a jawline that looked like it would be perfect to cup in his hand – Blaine had barely even managed to take in the features of his face and he was already speechless.

 

But being speechless was hardly going to help him in that case, not when there was so much that needed to be said, to be done. Blaine couldn't understand how the man standing there was talking about headaches and apologizing for running into him and acting like it was any other day and any other person that he'd bumped into. He couldn't understand that at all, not when he knew that this man was the person he'd been looking for since he'd felt that first pang in his chest on the train that day. How could he be standing there talking about headaches when there had been such a surge of emotion involved? Blaine felt like he could have had a migraine and not even noticed with how much everything else had been thrumming in him.

 

"You're perfect," Blaine replied, which didn't seem like the right thing to say from how the man blinked and his brow furrowed as soon as the words came out. It might not have been the right thing to say but it was the truth, and Blaine knew that. Still, he cleared his throat softly and tried again. "You're perfectly fine, I was having a little headache of my own and was standing in the middle of everything... I'm Blaine."

 

It wasn't a lie, he supposed, because he had been having _kind of_ a headache – just not the painful kind. Truthfully it had been more of a chest ache, the kind where he felt like everything in him was being pulled in different directions to try and get him to the right place in the end, to get him to the right _person_. He'd gotten there, he'd found him, he was standing right there in front of him and Blaine still wasn't sure if he could look at him enough to take it all in even if he just stood there staring all day – which he wasn't going to do.

 

"Kurt."

 

There was a brief second of pause before Blaine realized that Kurt was holding out his hand for him to shake, and he let his gaze drop down to it. He took in the jacket Kurt was wearing, a gorgeous shade of blue that he couldn't concentrate well enough to name, buttons done up all the way, tailored to perfection and fit onto him like a glove. His hand slipped into Kurt's, and he blinked slowly as he felt a faint pull at his heart again, like a phantom pang of what he'd been feeling before but this time prompted by the actual contact he had with Kurt, and he let his gaze move back up to meet Kurt's, not even sure if he could come up with the words to say.

  


 

 

It was one of those circumstances where he felt like it should have been easy, natural, to put out there what he was feeling because surely Kurt was feeling something of the same – except nothing Kurt had said or done had given him any indication that he was. Blaine remember back to when he was little, when he would match up his dolls and have them find each other, the things he'd made up for them to say to each other in those situations, but none of it seemed right at all, not when Kurt was standing there in front of him and he had to say _something_ before he might slip through his fingers again. The thought of that was too much to bear, and he knew it couldn't happen, for both their sakes, because he _knew_ Kurt was the one.

 

"I'm... yours," Blaine said, his voice quiet but not so quiet Kurt wouldn't have been able to hear him. If anything, it was just loud enough for Kurt to hear but no one else, which was as close to good as Blaine could get. It wasn't as though he'd ever imagined this moment happening somewhere so dank and unromantic, the intimacy of the moment almost ruined by the fact that the people around them were crowded so close waiting for the train, an announcement of its arrival time blaring over the speaker system. "I'm yours."

 

Blaine wasn't sure if the words had needed to be repeated, but they'd felt lost in the echo of the announcement and they'd slipped out from between his lips again, just as quiet but more sure the second time around.

 

Kurt's brow furrowed and his hand pulled away slowly from Blaine's, his expression still holding that concern that had been there since they first bumped into each other but it was deepening into something more. Blaine couldn't quite read what it was, just like how he couldn't describe the color of Kurt's eyes, because there was so much going on there. He knew from his own feelings just minutes earlier that it was a roller coaster of emotions to try and get through, but that didn't seem to fit with what Kurt had going on.  It took a long moment of watching him, much like Kurt was studying him the entire time, before Blaine registered what was behind the look in his eyes. It wasn't just concern, it was panic.

 

"Kurt?"

 

"Get away from me," Kurt answered quickly, rocking on his heels to take a step back and put some distance between the two of them, and Blaine felt like he'd been slapped across the face by those words. "That isn't funny, this isn't some joke."

 

"What?" Blaine shook his head, his mouth suddenly feeling dry from the accusation that somehow he was making it up for a laugh because he'd never felt more serious about anything in his life. There wasn't anything funny about what was going on, how he'd been waiting there just hoping the entire time, and that Kurt was _there_. He agreed that it wasn't something to joke about, but he _wasn't._ "Kurt, I'm not... I'm serious. Didn't you feel something?"

 

"I _feel_ like that's a horrible lie to tell someone," Kurt shot back, and the panic that was even clearer in his eyes by that point was turning the pangs of longing in Blaine's chest into ones of hurt. He couldn't stand to have Kurt looking at him like that, like he was trying to hurt him, like he was trying to trick him into something when all he wanted to do was know him. He _had_ to know him.

 

“I’m not lying.” Blaine could feel panic of his own starting to spread through his body, all egged on by the way that Kurt still had that look in his eyes, how his body language made it clear that Kurt was seconds away from running – running away from him. His eyes were wide as he looked up at him pleadingly, as if somehow he could make him believe he was telling the truth through them, because his words clearly weren’t helping. “Kurt, please, I would never lie or joke about something like that – _never_ – and—”

 

“Stop _lying_ and leave me _alone,_ ” Kurt interrupted, a sort of pleading in his voice that hadn’t been there with the harsh sharpness before, and that tone was what caught Blaine more off guard than anything else.

 

Maybe it was because he’d been waiting for this moment his entire life that he’d never considered that there might have been people out there who weren’t. He kept replaying that moment in his mind, the moment where Kurt realized what he’d said and pulled his hand away, stared at him like he had, trying to see if he’d missed something that might have told him more about what was going on in Kurt’s head. It was hard to try and focus, to try and think of what could possibly be going on, when the panic surging through him was amplifying, growing with each passing second that they stood there not on the same page.

 

Because as much as Blaine knew it mattered whether Kurt was interested or not – the possibility had never crossed his mind that he wouldn’t be because that wasn’t how it worked – at the same time, it didn’t. _He_ cared, but biology didn’t, and in the back of his head was that nagging of _remember what happened to Cooper_. All he could see was how quickly his brother had deteriorated and been in the hospital, how they hadn’t known if he was going to make it and actually started to believe he wasn’t, and then in the blink of an eye it was him on that hospital bed instead of Cooper, in the exact same state because somehow Kurt slipped through his fingers.

 

“Kurt…” Blaine started, his own voice with more than a hint of pleading in it as he heard the train pull in behind him, whooshing past and sending a gust of wind across them that didn’t even phase either of them – it just reminded him of all those times he’d been sitting there and felt it, thinking it was something more and feeling hope, thinking it was Kurt before he’d known who Kurt was, but now Kurt was standing there in front of him and that gust of  wind had terrified him instead. There was a fresh wave of people moving on the platform, pouring out of the train, and he could see them once they came walking past him from behind, but it was all in his peripheral because he couldn’t look away from Kurt’s eyes, from how Kurt kept looking back between him and the train that was waiting.

 

“You shouldn’t lie to people about that.”

 

The words had barely made their way from Kurt’s lips to Blaine’s ears before Kurt was gone, side stepping around him and walking swiftly toward the train as the announcements blared from the speakers overhead. Blaine didn’t think, just turned on his heel and started after him – the distance between where they’d been standing and the edge of the platform wasn’t that great, and he kept his eyes focused on Kurt’s perfectly styled hair that was easily visible above most anyone else’s head. He could feel the way his body was tensing with every step, how there was that fear he was about to lose him, and then in the blink of an eye that was exactly what happened.

 

Kurt barely made it through the doors before they closed, shutting Blaine out on the platform, helpless to do much more than stare through the window on the door as Kurt reached for something to hold onto, his gaze flickering up to meet Blaine’s as the train started to move. And then he was gone.

 

All Blaine could do was stare after the train as it disappeared down the tunnel, the last car out of sight long before he was able to take his eyes away. He felt like he was being torn apart inside, because he _knew_ that Kurt was the person he'd been looking for and he was gone. Kurt was gone and Blaine had no idea how to find him, and what might have been worse was that Kurt didn't want to be found by him. Blaine couldn't imagine why Kurt would have thought he had been lying about what he'd said, because he couldn't imagine why _anyone_ would lie about something so important and that was held so sacred. He knew they were still just strangers to each other so why should Kurt have believed him? Except he should have because he was _the one_ and surely that must have meant that he'd felt _something._

 

Blaine was half-certain that he could still feel tingles in his fingertips from where they'd touched Kurt's skin – soft, warm – when they'd shook hands. He could still feel that phantom pang in his heart, that tug that had happened right when they'd touched for the first time and he'd known, beyond any doubt whatsoever, that the man standing in front of him was the one he was supposed to be with for the rest of his life.

 

What he couldn't figure out was what had happened on the other end. That wasn't how it was supposed to work, that was the whole point of soul mates – two people destined for each other meant that there were _two_ of them headed on the same path, two who would feel those feelings for each other and _only_ each other. He'd felt it, so much more vibrant and emotional than had ever been described in books or stories, but was left trying to figure out what Kurt had felt. Had he felt anything at all? Nothing in his reactions had made it seem like he had, but then again all Blaine could register was the anger, the panic, the negative words and emotions being thrown at him when he'd been on such a high from his own much more positive ones.

 

There he stood, alone and abandoned on the subway platform, struggling to find a way to make his feet move. Maybe if he knew where to go it would have been easier, but he had no idea what to do. That was the problem, because he'd been working toward that one moment for so long and the fact that it had passed in a way he never could have envisioned was what had him standing still. What _was_ there to do? He'd spent his entire lifetime waiting for that moment, spent hour sitting there in the station knowing it was going to happen and that it was going to happen _there_ because he had no other clues to go from other than that one day, and there he was, right where he was supposed to be, after the moment he'd been waiting for, and he didn't know what to do next.

 

It wasn't until the next train pulled in, some minutes later he was sure but he'd long lost track of time passing while he stood there, and people started crowding around him to get through the doors – doors that were right in front of him and opening to let the passengers out who pushed past him in an attempt to get out of the way, that he moved. The jolt of someone bumping into him made him look up, as if somehow that person would have been Kurt again, but it wasn't. There wasn't any way for it to have been him. They were separated and Blaine didn't know how to find him again when he'd gotten on a one way train away from the one place he associated with him, the one place where he knew he'd been.

 

Blaine murmured an apology to the person who'd run into him, knowing he'd been incredibly in the way and not making it easy for anyone in that area to get to where they needed to be, before shifting the strap of his bag on his shoulder and finally making himself move, following the crowd away from the platform and toward the exit. He didn't know where he should go, because he was sure he should stay right there since there was a chance Kurt might come back – maybe he lived nearby and it was his station, since he'd come in there to catch the train – but he knew he had to at least get to the street level because there was absolutely no cell phone reception down beneath the streets and there was a phone call he _had_ to make.

 

It took four attempts, but Blaine was persistent, standing huddled right at the top of the stairs leading down to the station and pressing his phone hard against his ear to be able to hear it ringing over the loud noise of the city. He gripped the strap of his bag with his free hand as he pressed the button to redial with each redirect to voicemail, because it wasn't something he could just leave in a message that he hoped got listened to at some point – he needed to talk _right then_ in that moment and it wasn't something that could wait. _He_ couldn't wait.

 

 

 

"Hey, Squirt!" Blaine couldn't feel even a glimmer of annoyance at the nickname his brother refused to stop calling him, because Cooper had finally picked up his phone and was there for him to talk to and he _needed_ to talk to him.

 

"Coop, I don't know what to do." He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, because his voice had come out much more desperate than he'd imagined possible, pitching upward and sounding so wrong. There was only so much going on that he could control and he'd thought that at least his voice would be included in that but the evidence suggested otherwise. "Please."

 

"What's wrong?" Cooper asked, all teasing from his greeting gone from his tone, and Blaine could hear the background noise on his brother's end of the line cut off, like he'd shut himself in a room away from anyone else. Blaine wanted to find someplace quiet, someplace where he could sit and talk to him without having to deal with all the loudness of New York City, but he couldn't get any further away from the subway station. He knew he couldn't, because just the thought of not knowing where Kurt was _and_ leaving the one place he could associate with him made his throat ache and his stomach twist into knots.

 

"I found him, Cooper," Blaine answered, swallowing quickly to try and relax his throat so it didn't feel like he was going to cry with how much it was aching and tense. "I found _him_."

 

There was a moment of silence on the line, almost like Cooper was giving himself that time to believe what Blaine was saying was true, and that quiet in Blaine's ear seemed to last forever compared to the time ticking away on his watch.

 

"You did? Blaine, that's great! Well why are you calling me? Did you..." Cooper voice pitched lower, which didn't help Blaine be able to hear him amidst the horns honking on the street next to him, but he almost wished he flat out hadn't been able to when he actually _heard_ what Cooper was asking. "Did you need _advice_ on what to do? Because I mean, I know some things but I've never done any of them with another _guy_ , so..."

 

"Cooper, no! Stop!" Blaine practically shouted, because he didn't want to hear where that particular train of thought was going, and he also needed his brother to shut up long enough to listen. "I found him, I did, but he– he's gone– he got on the subway and went _away_ –"

 

"Blaine..." He could hear it in Cooper's voice, that moment that he _knew_ what was happening. That was the reason Blaine had called him, because he was the one person Blaine could think of who _knew_ what he was going through. Cooper had gone through it and come out fine on the other side, so Blaine had hope, but in his head were still the lingering moments of Cooper in the hospital, sallow, unconscious, unresponsive, nearly not _alive_ because of what had happened – what was happening right then to Blaine. "Oh, Blaine."

 

"Don't 'oh, Blaine' me, just tell me what to do!" The panic was back, the panic he'd felt down on the platform when Kurt had accused him of lying and he could feel his future start to slip away, but it was so much worse than it had been because it was _actually_ happening. "Cooper, please, you had this happen and you were okay, you're okay, you know what to do..."

 

"Blaine, there wasn't anything I _could_ do, that was why I ended up at the hospital," Cooper replied, his tone clearly attempting to be soothing but Blaine could hear the fear behind his words. That only made the panic rushing through him get worse, because Cooper was _scared_. Cooper was scared that he was going to end up in the hospital, that he might die, and Blaine could hear it all in the undertones of his words. "Listen to me, I don't know where you are, but you have to be careful. You need to keep track of time. Do what you need to do but set an alarm or something so you know _exactly_ when you're getting close to the danger zone, if you do, so you can get to where you need to be."

 

It wasn't until Cooper mentioned time that Blaine even realized he hadn't looked at his watch or the clock on his phone the entire time. He let go of his bag and wriggled his wrist to get the sleeve of his coat up so he could see his watch, staring at the face and trying to think about how long it had been since he first talked to Kurt, since they'd bumped into each other and shook hands, since he'd felt that overwhelming feeling of _this is it._ Truthfully, he had no idea, but he tried to estimate it and even estimate it poorly so he was guessing too early, so he would have extra time in case he actually _did_ have to go to the hospital. He hoped he didn't, not just because that meant he would be sick, but because he just _really_ wanted to find Kurt and to help him believe.

 

"Okay, okay, I... I'll keep an eye on the time."

 

"Good, you – I'm just asking, don't get mad, but you're _sure,_ right? You're sure this guy is it? This isn't just an 'oh he's cute I would _totally_ spend the rest of my life with him' thing, is it?"

 

" _Cooper_."

 

"I said don't get mad!" Cooper admonished, and Blaine could tell he was partially trying to lighten the mood for both of them because they both knew what was coming otherwise. "Listen, I'm just saying that before I met Anna, I saw _lots_ of girls that I wouldn't have minded being paired up with, if you know what I mean..."

 

"Of course I know what you mean, it wasn't exactly subtle–"

 

"Blainey," Cooper interrupted, and his tone was back to being at least somewhat serious, which Blaine appreciated because he felt like it _needed_ to be taken seriously. "Tell me about him. What's his name?"

 

"Kurt," Blaine answered immediately, fingers curling tighter around his phone as a wave of people came up the stairs from the subway and he turned away slightly so he wasn't facing into them from where he was standing. "He's... tall. Well, taller than me–and shut up, not _everyone_ is taller than me– and his voice was like... it was beautiful. I could have stood there and listened to him talk all day because it was just so perfect. We barely did, though, and some of the stuff he said... I wouldn't have wanted to hear that again, but... maybe I could deal with it if I just got to look at his eyes because _Cooper_ they were just so gorgeous, I can't even try to tell you what color they were because they were just so much..."

 

"Ooo..."

 

"Shut up," Blaine grumbled at him, but it wasn't without a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, because he knew Cooper wouldn't be teasing if he didn't care. That was the other reason that he'd called his brother – not just because he had the experience that Blaine was scared he was going to have himself, but because he genuinely would have wanted to know in the first place. "He's... well... I saw him I felt like if I wanted to, I could fly, as long as he was there with me."

 

"That's it, right there," Cooper said in a gentle tone, the contentment clear in his voice as he sighed softly. "That's exactly what it is, Blaine. You'll find him, or he'll find you. I don't know what happened but I don't want to waste your time, so you can just tell me later – after tomorrow, but I'll have my phone on if you need anything else before then. Good luck, Squirt."

 

"Thanks, Coop. I'll talk to you then."

 

There was only a slight reassurance that settled over Blaine after he hung up and tucked his phone back into his pocket, having quickly set an alarm for the next day in case things ended up taking an even bigger turn for the worse and he wasn't able to find Kurt. He was trying to focus on the little moments of positivity that he'd gotten from his brother, how he'd seemed optimistic there at the end that it was going to work out for Blaine to call him after everything was sorted out and he and Kurt were fine. That was part of what he'd been hoping to get from calling him – that little bit of hope infused back into his life. Cooper may have been ridiculous, and difficult to deal with on some days, but he had a good heart and Blaine knew he could count on him to be there when he needed him.

 

All Blaine could think of to do was to go back down into the subway station and wait, because he had nowhere else to go. Going home would take him far away, and school wasn't an option either. There was only place he knew of Kurt to be and it was down there, so he had to work with what he had. What was one more day of sitting on a bench and waiting? At least he knew what he was looking for, knew he could rely on the feelings swelling up inside of him to let him know when something was about to happen. That was why he turned around at the top of the stairs, looking down them for a long moment before starting to descend, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach and how everything else inside of him felt like it was starting to twist and knot in on itself. He had to try, and he had nothing else to go on, so he had to try just by being there.

 

Sitting down on his usual bench was a completely different experience when he knew exactly what he was waiting for – _who_ he was waiting for. Blaine couldn't focus on the work he'd brought with him anymore, not when he could feel time ticking by both slowly and way too fast all at the same time. Every minute he sat there seemed to last forever, the longest minute of his life that far because he was alone and he knew he shouldn't be, but also the fastest because it was another minute wasted without Kurt and there was only so much time before something bad happened because of it. He tried to keep himself from thinking about the possibility of something bad happening but his mind refused to shut it out.

 

It was just that he had the example so clearly in his head, because he'd _seen_ it happen. Blaine knew it had been years before, and that Cooper was _fine_ and well and happy, but that didn't change the fact that it happened in the first place. Cooper _hadn't_ been fine, or well, or happy, or anything but sick. He'd been suffering heartbreak and the one thing Blaine had told himself from that moment forward in life was that he wasn't going to let that happen to him. He was going to be smarter than Cooper had been, pay better attention, not let himself get lost in the moment and let it slip by, and that was what he'd told himself. In the end, it hadn't mattered what he'd said, how he'd approached any of it, because he was sitting there alone.

 

Blaine had known that his brother wouldn't have been able to give any real advice when he'd called, because what was there to say? They both knew that there was only so much that could be done in that situation, because trying to chase someone down when he had no idea where they'd gone sounded near impossible. He'd just needed to hear that familiar voice, that reminder that even if things didn't go as planned, he could still make it out okay. That was why he stayed there, because it was the one place he knew to be, and it didn't matter how many trains went whooshing past him or how many people walked by, he was going to stay there as long as he needed to in case Kurt came back.

 

There was that hope, that he would. Blaine had seen how scared Kurt looked, but maybe once he'd been on that train heading away from him, he'd realized what had happened. Maybe Kurt had realized that Blaine hadn't been lying when he'd said what he did, realized that he'd been feeling those emotions that they'd been told about since before they could even really understand what they were supposed to mean. Blaine knew that he didn't understand why Kurt had gone, and maybe Kurt didn't understand why Blaine had been saying what he had, but the point was supposed to be that they could grow together and through that the understanding would come.

 

They were strangers –but everyone was strangers.

 

It was one of the parts that Blaine had always found so intriguing and beautiful because it was almost always going to be a stranger. There was the occasional and very rare instance where people weren't, but he had only ever heard of that once – two people who had grown up being friends and then once they both came of age, the first time they saw each other, it had been like fireworks that had been waiting to go off their entire lives. He'd thought that was beautiful, too, but there was something about getting to meet someone and just knowing from that very first instant that they were the one – like with Kurt.

 

That was the part that was intriguing, because here was this brand new person that he wanted to know _everything_ about and all he had was a first name. Blaine knew there would be time, because they had the rest of their lives – that was, unless their lives were cut short because of how their first meeting had gone so poorly and they never got the chance to make it right. He wasn't trying to think about that possibility, though, because he had to keep focused on the positive. The positive was Kurt – the lightness that had been in his eyes there at the beginning, the warmth from his hand when it had been in Blaine's, the way his coat had looked so soft and cozy, how his jawline had been so sharp but at the same time soft because his skin was so fair.

 

The positive was that Blaine was going to get to spend the rest of his life learning what made him tick. He was going to learn who his favorite author was, favorite food, ice cream flavor, whether he preferred summer to winter or autumn to spring. What was the movie he could watch over and over without ever growing tired of it? What was the most played song in his music library – and what music did he have in there that was a secret from most because it was that much of a guilty pleasure? How did he get his hair to swoop up like that so perfectly and still look like it would be soft to touch despite the fact that there was obviously a fair amount of product in it to keep it from falling? There were so many questions that Blaine was sure he might pop, but it wasn't as though he didn't have time. He had it, he believed he did, and so he had to think he could get the answers to all of them at one point or another.

 

He had time, but the problem was that he was running on a clock that was ticking so loudly he didn't know what else to focus on.

 

Blaine sat on that bench, not moving, not working, not able to do anything but sit and wait. He had his headphones in to keep people from bothering him, a tactic that was tried and true and usually worked well enough, but his playlists would keep running out and he wouldn't notice for the longest time before realizing all he could hear was the sound of the underground and nothing else. There were no melodies to keep him occupied, none that he noticed above the others when the music actually _was_ playing, so even that didn't give him distraction or solace as he sat vigil.

 

It was hours upon hours like he'd never been there before, on a constant ride of the roller coaster between hope and despair because despite his want to believe that everything would work, the nagging thought that it might not would enter his mind. That was the problem with having no ability to focus on something tangible, because he would have loved to be able to pull out of one of his books and read while he sat, but the one time he tried it resulted in him reading over the same paragraph at least fifteen times before he realized he still didn't know what it said. The book had been quickly shut and put back in its place inside his bag, hope in that distraction completely lost.

 

The knots twisting at his insides didn't leave the entire time, seeming to get worse the longer he was there, to the point where Blaine thought his internal organs might start ripping themselves apart. That was what it felt like they were gearing up to do, after all. He wondered what that would be like, which one would go for the other – whether his appendix would even come into consideration since it didn't really do anything in the first place. That was the moment when Blaine thought he might have actually gotten delusional because he was dreaming up battles and wars between the organs inside him, and he made himself get up and stretch his legs for a few minutes by pacing next to his bench and keeping from curling up and potentially making them twist together more.

 

He didn't leave all night, and staying awake was a lot easier than he thought it was going to be. Then again, it would have been difficult to fall asleep with his mind so active in its musings and worries, with how the pain and panic kept spreading the longer he was there. He knew it wasn't because he was _there_ , it was because he was there and _Kurt_ still wasn't. The early morning hours were the worst, because there were less things to try and attempt to distract himself – less people around, fewer trains running because of the lack of interest, and no more people busking and drawing him out of his thoughts even for the briefest moment when they would start up and make him lift his head to see what was happening.

 

Kurt didn't come back during the night, and he didn't come back in the morning, and by the time the alarm on Blaine's phone went off – and he was lucky it had done so at all since the battery was almost completely run down – he had all but abandoned hope for Kurt even have existed in the first place.

 

The ringer on the alarm blared into his ears through his headphones that had been tucked there for hours without him taking them out, without him even listening to anything to give them a reason to be there, and Blaine glanced down to see the screen as he swiped his thumb across it to turn the alarm off. He'd almost hit snooze, a habit from his mornings, but if there was ever a time he had to pay attention to his alarm and stick by it, it was right then. It wasn't an alarm for him to wake up, for him to get out of bed, it was the one that Cooper had told him to set because just in case he didn't find Kurt, things were going to get rough and he needed to try and be ahead of it. _That_ was what he had to do.

 

Blaine got up from the bench, legs stiff and feeling heavy from lack of use, and he stretched out a little to try and get his body to cooperate. It was difficult, because everything felt worlds worse than it had before, and even more so since he'd gotten up. His heart felt _heavy_ and like it was going to weigh down his chest to the ground, or drop from his ribcage and down through his feet because his chest wasn't able to support the weight anymore. Everything hurt in him and each step felt like slow torture, like he was walking closer to his fate with every movement, but he couldn't just stay there and sit because that would be resigning himself to what was happening even worse than what he was actually doing.

 

Hailing a taxi had never been more difficult or important, and as soon as he was it with the door closed, all Blaine could manage to do was tell the driver where to take him before falling silent and trying not to curl up into a ball against the backseat. "Hospital, I need to go to the nearest hospital..."

 

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, he supposed, and while he was thankful for it in that moment it was sad overall. How many times did taxi drivers get someone in their cab for the same reason? He had to hope that people would be smart, like Cooper had taught him to be, and plan for the worst case scenario and know what to do, but he wasn't sure. Cooper hadn't known, he'd just been lucky that someone who had been around had noticed and called for an ambulance. Blaine would have called 911, but his phone was almost dead anyway and the taxi had been right there whereas an ambulance would have taken too long.

 

Maybe that was why the taxi drivers were so good at navigating when they needed to be – none of the dilly dallying and wasting time to drive up the fares – because despite the fact that it was New York City and the traffic would always be bad, Blaine could tell from where he was slumped back against his seat that they were moving faster than he would have expected. His taxi driver didn't want him to die there in the back of his cab. If they were breaking laws and almost causing accidents in order to get to the hospital quicker, he had no idea and he didn't want to know, he didn't care, he just knew he had to get there because being out in the regular world and knowing what was coming was even more terrifying than  seeing Kurt get on that train and leave. It was more terrifying because it meant he might not ever get to see him again.

 

Blaine had never had reason to go to a hospital in the entire time he'd lived in the city, so he couldn't have said for sure which one was closest to him or even where the one he ended up was, but it didn't matter because he got there fast enough and barely managed to dig his wallet out of his pocket to pay the driver before the door was being pulled open from the outside and people were helping him out of it and into a wheelchair to make it inside. It was all so much a blur, the process of getting into the building and them trying to get the information they needed out of him, but he knew at some point he'd just handed them his wallet and phone because at least then they would have his information and a way to find the people they might need to contact.

 

Beyond that, he didn't know what happened, he just knew every part of his body was in pain and he could barely focus on anything long enough to answer anything they asked because his mind was refusing to cooperate. It had focus on one thing and one thing only, the one person that mattered in the world because without him it didn't mean anything.

 

"Kurt, I need Kurt..."

 

There was no recollection of being taken to a room, being set up in a bed, but Blaine found himself there anyway. All hospitals had that special wing where no one hoped to end up (though most people preferred to stay out of any and all parts of a hospital, but that wing in particular was the most feared of all) and that was exactly where he'd ended up. He felt ridiculous being there and laying down in bed, looking up at the ceiling when his eyes cooperated and would let him open them, but he doubted he could have moved if he'd tried. It had been difficult enough to get to the street, to the taxi, and he hadn't been on his feet since he'd gotten in the cab. He didn't know if he'd be able to stand, should he attempt it.

 

Maybe that was the one thing that was scarier than the thought that he might not see Kurt again – that he was stuck there in that bed, paralyzed by the agony in his chest, the complete ache of his heart as it felt like it was tearing itself into pieces, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

 

It occurred to him in a fleeting, barely there thought that his parents didn't know. With Cooper they'd known, they'd been there, but Blaine hadn't even mentioned a word to them since that first feeling and there was the possibility they might not ever know. He squeezed his eyes shut purposefully to try and keep that thought from floating through his mind again, because it felt like one of the few ways anything could get worse. Cooper would have called them, he was sure, because Cooper may have been hopeful for him but he wasn't an idiot. If Cooper had called they would know about Kurt, and then the hospital had his phone so if they went through it to find his emergency contacts then his parents would know he was _there._ He wasn't sure he wanted them there with him, but he couldn't stand the thought of them not even knowing and then him being gone.

 

_You'll find him, or he'll find you._

 

Blaine kept repeating Cooper's words in his head because they were like a mantra for him to focus on instead of everything else that was trying to scare him into submission. The words ran through his mind over and over, intermingled with all the good parts he could remember from his few moments with Kurt – before the panic had hit either of them, before Kurt had thought he was lying and booked it out of there on the train. He could remember the exact color of his eyes, the way they'd been so full of apologies for running into him even though Blaine hadn't cared in the first place and cared less when he'd seen who it was. If he thought hard enough, he could start to map out the freckles that dusted across Kurt's cheeks and nose, and all he could think about when he saw those was how much he wanted to trace his fingers across them, to spend hours memorizing their exact pattern and maybe even trying to count them.

 

Between Kurt's freckles and eyes, and the little section at the front of his hair that had been lighter than the rest in the way it swooped up from his forehead and stayed so impeccable even when he was walking quickly through a crowd of people who'd no doubt been jostling him as he'd passed, Blaine had enough to focus on with Cooper's words to keep him from feeling entirely like he was coming crashing to the ground so hard and fast that there was no way he wasn't going to break into a million pieces.

 

Falling asleep was like torture, because Blaine didn't _want_ to sleep for fear of not waking up. He knew he hadn't slept in over a day and his body might have wanted him to, but his body was also screaming for him to move, to leave, to try and find who he'd lost. His mind had the upper hand in that battle, because he knew he couldn't. He couldn't move, he couldn't leave, and he definitely couldn't try to find Kurt because of both of those reasons. Lying there in that bed made him feel the most defeated he’d ever been in his entire life, because it felt like giving up. Everything about it felt like he'd given up after trying so hard in the best ways he could.

 

That was why he'd been sedated so he could sleep – well, that and the pain that had been keeping him from being able to slip off into slumber.

 

It was a restless sleep, full of dreams that verged into nightmares. Kurt was there in them, in every single one, and the story varied slightly each time but it always ended the same. Maybe they met in a coffee shop, or at college, or in a park, or anywhere else in the world, the possibilities flying through his mind while he slept were endless, but no matter where they met and started talking, it would always end with Kurt walking away and Blaine not being able to catch up. He would run after him but it was never enough before Kurt would disappear around a corner, or through a door, or anywhere, and Blaine wouldn't be able to find him again.

 


	3. Chapter Two

Waking up was a slow endeavor, his eyelids heavy to the point of not being able to open them for the first several minutes, but Blaine was willing to blame that on the fact that he'd been sedated. His limbs still felt heavy, still felt like he couldn't move them if he tried, but he hadn't expected anything less. Coming back to consciousness was something that happened in layers, first through the quiet beeps of the monitors in his room, breaking through the supposed sound of his dreams to pull him away from them, then the noise of people shuffling around in the hall outside, easy to hear because of the door being left open so a close eye could be kept on him. Then it was his ability to open his eyes, to blink slowly and get his vision to focus on the ceiling above him, the bright light off to the side making him close them again for another minute to give himself more time to adjust.

 

But it wasn't the heavy eyelids, or limbs, or the beeping from the machines, or the noise of the people in the hallway, that he noticed first. Those were all just white noise and barely there realizations compared to the bigger picture that was immediately apparent as soon as he was awake enough to know he wasn't dreaming.

 

Blaine's heart didn't feel like it was weighing him down against the bed anymore – _that_ was the first thing he noticed when he woke up. It was still aching, still felt like it was dealing with more than it had ever wanted to all at once, but it didn't feel like it was shredding itself apart and breaking into pieces anymore. He slowly moved his hand up from where it had been at his side, and it felt like he was lifting a limb that had fallen asleep and still hadn't reached that pins and needles stage of waking up yet, like it was completely numb, and rest it over his chest, his fingers slowly spreading out across the fabric of the hospital gown he'd been put into. It was like he was trying to feel it somehow, to see if it actually was different, was better than it had been, though he knew it was ridiculous because it wasn't as though he could actually _touch_ his heart.

 

It helped him believe it, though, as silly as he felt with how his mind was processing it. Having his hand there over his heart, feeling it pound in his chest in a much calmer rhythm than it had been before, feeling how it was still working in the same ways it always had, that it was already starting to heal itself from the turmoil that had happened, made him believe that it was actually going to be okay. It made him believe that it was actually happening; because he knew that feeling wouldn't have gone away if Kurt wasn't there. So taking in a deep breath, Blaine steeled himself for it and slowly turned his head to the side to look toward the other side of the room.

 

And there he was.

 

If there was a sight that Blaine had both wanted to see more than anything and _never_ wanted to see more than anything, it was Kurt in a hospital bed looking as he did. Blaine was sure that he wasn't much to look at, but this was Kurt. He was asleep, or at least appeared to be by the looks of it, and his skin was pale in that way Blaine remembered Cooper's being. He looked so different there in that bed than he had when he'd been standing in front of Blaine on the subway platform. Kurt looked small, almost, but maybe that was just because he was tucked in under those sheets that were the horrible color that only seemed to exist in hospitals. Blaine knew he would look better soon, though, because if _he_ was already starting to feel better that meant it was going to work for Kurt as well.

 

It happened slowly, but eventually Blaine felt his body growing lighter, much less like he was going to be stuck there on that bed forever because every part of him was too heavy to be lifted from it. The way he started to feel, it was like a switch had been flipped inside him – the transition from utter despair back to feeling like he could fly if he wanted because Kurt was right there beside him. He'd been missing that feeling when he'd seen Kurt, wondering where it had gone, but it only made sense that such feelings of polarity inside him couldn't exist at the same time – the much more stagnant and overwhelming pain had drown out the joy, but the light that came with Kurt being there had slowly been shone into every corner and crevice of his being until there was nothing left but that happiness tugging at him like it had the first time.

 

Blaine was glad when the nurses came in to check on them, because that meant he could get the whole story of what had happened while he'd been asleep – how it had been a good few hours after he'd been knocked out before Kurt came into the hospital and the only information they'd been able to get out of him was his own name and Blaine's, and Blaine had never been more thankful to have a slightly uncommon name in his life because he could only imagine how difficult it would have been in a city of that size if they'd been named things like Joe and John.

 

In the meantime of it, they'd lost an entire day. Once he'd been out, he'd been _out_ and stayed that way through the night, morning, and early afternoon. His body had needed time to heal, they told him, which was the reason they hadn't even tried to wake him up when they'd found Kurt. It had been easy enough to tell by the responses on the monitors that things were evening out as soon as Kurt was moved into the room. The healing process was easier if left undisturbed, and the best way to go through that was while asleep. Being awake, they said, was just cause to try and exert too much too fast, and while they appreciated that he would have wanted to talk or do as much as possible, it was important for him to be as healed as possible before he tried.

 

That was why he'd been left alone, left to slowly work his way back to normal thanks to Kurt being there beside him. There were only a few feet separating their beds, more feet than Blaine cared for considering that all he wanted to be able to reach over and take his hand, to hold it and maybe be able to transfer over some of the strength he'd gained back so Kurt could get better faster and be able to be awake. That wasn't something that was going to happen, though, so Blaine resigned himself to propping himself up in bed and letting the television in the room play as quietly as possible while still being on to try and give himself something to do other than glance over in Kurt's direction every few seconds in case he'd woken up.

 

His phone was brought back to him, but the battery was long since dead. Blaine knew he wasn't supposed to use it in a hospital anyway, so it didn't matter, but he still wanted to be able to call Cooper and his parents and let them know he was alright. _Tell me later – after tomorrow._ That had been what Cooper had said the last time they'd spoken, but Blaine was sure his brother had assumed the worst when he hadn't heard anything at all. Blaine knew _he_ would have assumed the worst if it had been him, and he knew that Cooper wasn't an idiot. He'd heard the concern in his brother's voice on the phone, his brother who had dealt with it all before, so he _knew_ that Cooper was probably making arrangements to get to the city – if he hadn't done just that already.

 

Blaine was turning his phone over in his hands when it happened, just letting his fingertips absently run over the smooth edges of the case and turn it from side to side, the quiet hum of conversation on the television in the background – and then there was a sharp inhale of breath from off to his right.

 

In all the time he'd been sitting there, he could hear Kurt breathing. He wasn't _trying_ to listen to him breathe, it was just something that happened when he was the only other person in the room and Blaine was just sitting there with not much else going on to distract him. It had been a subconscious observation the entire time, the quiet inhales and exhales, so steady, deep, rhythmic, almost soothing enough to make him want to lie down and go back to sleep for a while – except he wasn't tired. Blaine hadn't been tired before and he _definitely_ wasn't tired after the sudden break in the pattern of Kurt's breathing drew his attention away from what he was doing and his gaze flickered over to the other bed in the room.

 

Kurt's eyes were still closed, but his fingers were moving slightly on top of the sheets. It was only slight movement, but it was enough for Blaine to know that he was awake – at least when it was paired with how his breathing had changed so suddenly and wasn't the same deep, slow breaths he'd been hearing for hours. Blaine kept watching him, taking in every little movement that came about – first his fingers, then the shift he could see under the bed sheets that was clearly Kurt moving his legs in some way, how he had shifted his arms up to cross over his stomach loosely, like he'd needed to move them in some way but hadn't had a place he wanted them to go.

 

It wasn't until Kurt slowly blinked, his eyelashes seemingly fluttering as he worked on keeping his eyes open for longer than the briefest second, that Blaine's breath caught. Of course Kurt had been there all that time, but he hadn't _been_ there until that moment. Kurt hadn't been conscious and there in the sense that he was _fully_ there, both in presence and awareness. As soon as Kurt had opened his eyes, all the thoughts Blaine had had in his dreams, all the different ways that Kurt had left, seemed to disappear completely from his mind. He hadn't been thinking about them, but they'd been lingering there in the back where bad thoughts tend to go and stay and never really leave no matter what else comes along. But those thoughts? They were gone.

 

Blaine reached for the remote where it was sitting down by his leg, his fingers grazing across the buttons as they ran up the length to get to the power button so he could turn off the television. It was the click of it turning off, the sudden silence from the speakers, that drew Kurt's attention.

 

Suddenly, Blaine found himself looking straight into those eyes he'd been thinking of ever since he'd seen them in the first place. They were still just as difficult to pinpoint, still the most beautiful color he'd ever seen in his life, but there was none of that panic from before left in them. He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen anything as wonderful as Kurt looking at him with all fear absent from his eyes, and he thought maybe that was because the last thing he remembered seeing in them the last time was the opposite of that but, no matter what the reason was, he never wanted it to stop.

 

"Blaine." Kurt's voice sounded hoarse, which made sense since he'd been asleep for so long – Blaine knew his had sounded the same when the nurse had come in and he'd tried to speak to her at first. He watched as Kurt's eyes fluttered closed, like he was taking a moment to gather himself before trying to say anything else. "Blaine..."

 

Kurt sounded much clearer the second time, and Blaine turned a little in his bed so he was sitting more sideways and able to face Kurt instead of both of them being turned toward the wall in front of their beds. "Kurt..."

 

"I'm so sorry," Kurt whispered, his eyes opening and his gaze immediately meeting Blaine's. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

 

"It's okay," Blaine murmured – because it was. They were both okay and going to be fine and so what did it matter? He glanced out the open doorway into the hall, squinting a little to be able to see the nurse's station and figure out if there were many people there, before looking back to Kurt and drawing in a breath. "Is... would it be okay if I came over there? I feel weird sitting over here talking to you."

 

"Sure."

 

Blaine hesitated, sparing another glance out into the hallway before moving his legs over the side of the bed and easing himself down onto his feet. His hands stayed pressed against the mattress as he made sure he was steady, since he hadn't tried to actually support his weight since he'd gotten in the cab that had taken him there, but then lifted off it so he could cross the short distance between their beds. Being that close to Kurt again was enough to make his heart feel like it was going to beat out of his chest, and he smiled down at him softly once he was there, his fingers brushing against the edge of the bed before he moved up onto it to perch on the edge, sitting quietly for a minute before looking down at him again.

 

"How about we start over?" he offered, his hands smoothing over the fabric of his hospital gown before he extended one down toward where Kurt's were resting on his stomach. "I'm Blaine."

 

"Kurt..." 

 

Kurt's hand moving up to take his was slow, but Blaine knew full well how heavy his own limbs had felt when he'd woken up, so he could imagine how Kurt's were feeling in that moment. That same flicker of emotion was there as soon as Kurt's fingers traced back along his palm until their hands were fitted together, and Blaine could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest. Blaine let his thumb rub lightly against the back of Kurt's hand, trying to give some reassurance because after the situation they'd been through, he felt like it was necessary.

 

"I'm sorry," Kurt said again, his voice barely above a murmur as his fingers flexed slightly against Blaine's skin.

 

"Don't be," Blaine replied, shaking his head. "We're okay now."

 

There were so many questions racing through his mind, all the questions that he wanted to ask but none of them sticking out in a way that said that they needed to be the first. Of course he wanted to know why Kurt had run, why he'd thought Blaine had been lying, but he also wanted to know where he'd been born, where he'd grown up, his favorite place in the city, what he was doing with his life, if he had any pets, if he _wanted_ to have any pets, if he preferred coffee or tea, or if he didn't care for either of them at all. Blaine wanted to know _everything_ there was to know, but he felt like he shouldn't overwhelm him with questions, especially not with how they were still there in the hospital, the fact that Kurt had _just_ woken up. There was so much to be known, but they had all the time in the world from that point forward, so Blaine knew he didn't have to be in a rush – but he still wanted to know more.

 

"Can... will you tell me about yourself?" Kurt asked, beating him to it as he brought their linked hands down to rest on his stomach where his hand had been before. Blaine brought his other hand down to cover theirs, nodding and biting his lip as he tried to think of where to begin.

He tried not to skip over much that was important, though what was important and what was not was entirely subjective considering that Kurt knew nothing beyond his name to begin with. It was just that Blaine didn't want to dwell on moments that didn't matter, didn't want to linger on boring stories, when there were other things to talk about. Starting at the beginning was easy enough, talking about how he'd been born and brought up in Ohio, and how he'd lived in the same place his entire life until he moved to New York after high school. Childhood memories were few and fleeting, because in the overall scheme they weren't important to that moment and Blaine realized that well enough – so he only told the ones that gave good insight to his parents or his brother, because his family deserved to be talked about, including what had happened with Cooper.

 

Blaine could see the look in Kurt's eyes so clearly when he mentioned how his brother had been in the hospital for the same reason both of them were. He hadn't meant to bring it up in a bad way, because while it was a somber memory it was also an uplifting one because Cooper was fine, just like they were then. It had been a rocky beginning, just like theirs had been, but in the end everything had worked out. As much as Blaine had let his own thoughts linger on the badness of the situation in the past, he didn't want to do anything but focus on the positive outcome that had come at the end, because that was the most important part. Cooper was fine, Anna was fine, just as he and Kurt were fine. Besides, with being able to see how well Cooper and Anna had grown with each other from that experience alone, he had hope that it would be similar for himself and Kurt. Maybe a rough beginning was worth it because then they'd already been through adversity together and come out on the other side unscathed – or mostly unscathed but getting better, as the case may be.

 

It made him all the more pleased to see Kurt's expression shift into a soft smile when he talked about what he was doing there in the city, going to school for performance with the hopes of getting up on the stage. Performing was something that Blaine had always loved to do, so he was always glad to have the chance to talk about it, and with Kurt egging him on with more questions it was easy to get lost in the conversation. There was only so much more time he had in school before he'd be done and able to focus on auditions and, hopefully, shows with nothing else to distracted him – because of course he'd been auditioning here and there for the experiences but not expecting to get anything because he was still in school and didn't necessarily have the time to devote to a full time show on top of that.

 

"I did that sort of thing in high school," Kurt said softly, tilting his head a little against his pillow as he looked up at him. "Musicals, I mean. I was in our show choir and almost all of us were in the shows."

 

"You were in choir? See, now I'm going to have to hear you sing," Blaine replied, his eyes sparkling as he shifted slightly on the bed to get more comfortable, because he could feel his leg falling asleep from how he'd been sitting. "I bet you're incredible."

 

"I haven't for a while, not anything more than just to myself." Kurt bit his lip, a grin turning up the corners of his mouth. "But I'm sure you'll get the chance sooner or later. Definitely not right now, but..."

 

"Right, I wouldn't expect it right now." Blaine shook his head, his fingers squeezing around Kurt's hand lightly. "Your turn. Tell me your story."

 

"Well, I'm from Ohio, too," Kurt began, and that was as far as he managed to get before a nurse came into the room and interrupted, giving Blaine a little look for being out of his own bed.

 

He supposed that maybe they should have been alerted when Kurt woke up, but it had been too exciting to worry about what was actually supposed to happen, so he didn't put up a fight when she made him move back over to his bed so they could examine Kurt like they'd done to him, and make sure he was okay. The lack of touch against his hand was an immediate loss, and Blaine felt that more than anything else. He settled back onto his own bed, sitting with his legs hanging over the side so he could still keep an eye on what they were doing, and let his hands fold together in his lap so he could feel like maybe Kurt was still holding his hand. It wasn't the same, not even close, because it wasn't those long fingers of Kurt's stretching back to touch the inside of his wrist, the warmth and softness of his hand that Blaine had started to memorize even in those brief moments in the subway station and then managed to finish doing so there in that room.

 

The nurse was adamant in them keeping to their own beds, with a pointed look in Blaine's direction as he'd been the one breaking the rules already, but she accommodated them by moving the beds closer together. They were both shifted toward the middle of the room to come close to meeting, a mere foot or so between them. That was better than nothing, and Blaine didn't exactly want to make the staff annoyed by not following their guidelines when they'd done so much to help him already, and to help Kurt, so he stayed on his own bed and kept sitting sideways to be able to face Kurt, who got himself propped up to sitting so he could see better as well.

 

"So, Ohio," Blaine prompted as soon as they were alone again, giving a little nod as if asking for Kurt to continue where he'd left off.

 

"Ohio," Kurt confirmed, his nose wrinkling slightly. Blaine raised an eyebrow at that, which Kurt noticed immediately and hurried to go on. "Not that I have any problems with Ohio. It was just that I'm from Lima, which... it isn't exactly the best place. People get stuck there, and I knew I couldn't be. I didn't really fit in with the other people in my high school, except the glee club – which, most of us didn't fit in anywhere, so that was how we ended up together. That was what got me through it, as cheesy as that sounds."

 

"It's not cheesy," Blaine replied, shaking his head slightly. "I was in a group like that in my school. It wasn't so much the people who didn't fit in, so that part wasn't the same, but we got each other through the good times and bad, so I know what you mean."

 

"Okay," Kurt said with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "So not cheesy, but true."

 

Kurt backtracked to talk about growing up, how it had been to be there when he was little all the way up through when he'd left. Blaine soaked up all the words and information, taking it in and committing it to memory because everything Kurt was saying was important. It might have been a little detail, or just the way Kurt's eyes sparkled at a particular part of a story, but every single piece of it was important because they were all the pieces that made up who Kurt was. The tiniest detail had an effect, and it couldn't be ignored – it wouldn't have been mentioned if it wasn't something that mattered.

 

One person stuck out more than anyone else in all of Kurt's stories, and that was his father. Burt Hummel – who Blaine felt like he needed to meet and know within the first few seconds of Kurt's first mention of him – sounded like the most amazing father that anyone could have, other than his own, of course. Blaine didn't have any problems with his own father, not anything beyond the issues anyone who had once been a teenager had once had with their parents, and especially not with how much their family had come together after what had happened with Cooper. It had been a reminder that everything was fleeting and could end so quickly, and so any misunderstandings tended to be resolved quickly for the sake of remembering how precious it was that they had time together – and that went just as well for him and his father as it did for his mother, and brother, and any combination of them at all.

 

But Burt sounded like someone entirely special, and not just because he was Kurt's father. Blaine could see it in Kurt's eyes when he spoke about him, the great love and respect he had for him that seemed deeper than what was probably considered normal. Maybe it was because Kurt's mother had died when he'd been young, a point that had made Blaine's heart ache when he'd heard him say it, but as sad as Kurt's eyes had been in that moment he hadn't seemed to want to dwell on it. He missed her, but it had been so many years and he knew that she wouldn't have wanted him to focus on the sadness of her passing rather than appreciate the time they _had_ had together. Besides, he had Burt, who Kurt admitted was the most important and constant person in his life. Burt, who wasn't a man of many words but who had always given the best advice whenever he had needed it, and who loved him for who he was and supported whatever he wanted to do in life – because Kurt knew it wouldn't have been his dad's choice for him to move so far away from home but he hadn't put up any kind of argument or fight to try and stop it.

 

That was how Kurt had ended up in New York, following graduation, much like Blaine had. They'd both moved there for school, though Kurt was studying fashion design as opposed to Blaine's own choice of study. It made sense in Blaine's mind immediately, considering that when he looked back on what Kurt had been wearing when he'd first seen him, he looked like he'd just stepped off a fashion plate – at least from what Blaine had been able to see and remember. Kurt had been modifying his own clothing for years, needing an outlet when he was in Lima and wanting to be able to feel like himself instead of blending in with everyone else there. Going into the industry had been on his mind for at least the last two years he'd been in high school, and getting accepted to the program he had and moving to New York had been a dream come true.

 

Food was brought to them, and Blaine had no idea how long they'd both been awake and talking but he was sure it had been for at least a few hours – it had to have been, considering how much had been said. There was so much that _hadn't_ been said, he knew, because it wasn't that easy to fit an entire lifetime into a compact highlight reel of what seemed to be the most important out of it all, but they'd both done their best to do just that. As much as he knew he'd left out, he was sure that Kurt had as well. That didn't matter, because it wasn't as though they didn't have time. He knew there would be stories coming out constantly throughout the years, and even just in the near future. They'd barely known each other hours before, and they knew each other better by then, but there was still so much time to get to know each other entirely.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Blaine asked hesitantly, pulling his legs up to sit cross legged as he nudged his food around on his plate. He knew he should eat, knew that he was hungry, and it wasn't as though he didn't _want_ to eat the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets that had been brought, but the biggest question that had been on his mind hadn't been answered, and it wasn't one of those that he felt he could just wait until the answer came out somewhere down the road. It was important, at least to him, and he needed to know sooner rather than later. Would it change how he felt about Kurt? Not at all – but he still needed to know.

 

"Sure," Kurt replied, looking over at him as he bit the head off one of the dinosaur nuggets and waited for Blaine to go on.

 

"Why did you think I was lying?"

 

The words came out quieter than Blaine had meant them to, but he supposed that was because he had no idea what to expect for the answer. He wasn't _scared_ of what it might be, because in the long run it didn't matter because they were there together and everything was working out, but it was such a vivid moment in his mind that he needed to know.

 

"Oh." Kurt looked down at his plate, slowly eating the rest of the nugget he'd been holding before replying any further. "That wasn't fair, I shouldn't have said that."

 

"It's okay, I just wondered... why you did."

 

"Because someone else had," Kurt answered softly, his fingers tracing against the edge of his plate. "A couple years ago, right after I'd moved here and started school, someone tried to make me think that he was it."

 

Blaine blinked, a slight panic rising up in his chest – not that he thought something bad was going to happen then, but at the thought of that happening to Kurt. He couldn't imagine being in that situation, being made to believe that someone was the one when they weren't. It was such an important facet of life that lying about it seemed like the most underhanded thing a person could possibly do. He drew in a breath, and then exhaled slowly, eyes staying focused on Kurt. "How... did that happen?"

 

"It's one of those things that I look back and I can't figure out why I didn't know something was wrong," Kurt went on, his voice a little more sure as he pulled his hand back away from his plate and into his lap. "And I don't tell people about it because I can't believe I didn't know it wasn't real, so it's embarrassing, but you should know. I guess I just wouldn't expect people to understand, because they would ask all those questions that prove I should have known better. Because there are those feelings, right? There's that feeling inside you that you _know_."

 

"Right, I know that feeling," Blaine added quietly, his heart feeling like it was tugging in his chest as if he needed a reminder of what it felt like to have that happen, to know.

 

"Exactly," Kurt replied, a soft frown flickering across his features before he shook his head. "I think I wanted it so badly that I made myself believe that I was feeling that. I'd been hearing so long about how my life would go, how great it would be when that moment happened, and I'd know that it would never happen in Lima – not with how Lima was, the people there, there was just no way. So I'd told myself I needed to get out, and then once I was gone I would have a chance. When I moved to New York, I had this grandiose idea that it would happen right away. I was of age, I was in this city that was so much better than where I'd been, where there were more people and more chances, and I thought someone had to be waiting for me.

 

"So when he came to me, when he told me that we were the ones for each other, I _wanted_ him to be right. I _wanted_ to be feeling the things I'd always heard about, to feel like I was becoming whole because there was this other person that I'd been waiting for. I made myself believe that he was right, and didn't believe otherwise until I realized that I wasn't feeling anything at all, not even the remotest of attraction... and then I didn't know what to do anymore."

 

"Why did he do that?" Blaine asked, his brow furrowing deeply as he looked over at him. "Why would he lie about that?"

 

"He, uh, wanted to sleep with me?" Kurt answered, a tinge of blush creeping into his cheeks as his gaze flickered up to meet Blaine's. "I guess he figured that was the easiest way to try and get to, because... well, you know." Blaine _did_ know, because with the potential of heartbreak unless just that was done within that first day, it seemed like the most assured way to get to that point quickly – but him knowing what Kurt meant and why didn't stop him from feeling sick to his stomach about the whole situation. "We didn't. He... we had dinner and I wanted to believe it was real so badly, but then he kissed me and there was just _nothing_ – and I knew then it wasn't."

 

"So you thought I was doing that too?"

 

"I just got so skeptical of it all," Kurt hurried on, shaking his head. "It wasn't that I was full of myself and assumed you were doing the same thing because of that, it was just my immediate reaction because in my head that was all I could think about. It wasn't _you_ , it was him, just... in my head. So I convinced myself that everything I was feeling was just me wanting it to be real too much and that none of it was. I was scared that it was just going to end the same way, that there was just one more person for me to fall for that wasn't actually it, and all I could do was walk away before I made a fool of myself again."

 

"Kurt..."

 

"I'm so sorry, Blaine," Kurt said, swallowing hard and biting his lip. "You didn't do anything wrong, it was just all up in my head from before."

 

"Kurt, you're fine," Blaine replied, reaching across the distance between their beds and resting his hand on Kurt's shoulder, his thumb rubbing against it soothingly. "I'm okay. You can see that, right?"

 

"You are now, but I put you through that, after you'd seen it all with your brother, and we both could have been _not_ okay–"

 

"But we _are_ okay," Blaine interrupted, his tone a little firm. "My brother is okay. He was the one person I knew to call to figure out what to do after you got on that train, and so I'm okay because of it. That's all in the past now, because we're together now and there's no reason to think on any of it too much because in the end, we made it through just fine."

 

Kurt gave a small nod, repeating the last part of what Blaine said – _we made it through just fine_ – under his breath a few times as if convincing himself it was true. Blaine couldn't imagine what he'd been through, convincing himself that those feelings he felt weren't real. His own had been so strong that he couldn't even think of trying to ignore them or pretending like they weren't happening. He wondered what the moment was when Kurt realized what he'd walked away from, the actual moment happening that time instead of someone playing a cruel trick. His own reaction had been so immediate – had Kurt had those same feelings and ignored them, too? They were questions that he wanted to ask but that seemed as though they would be dwelling too much on the bad of the situation, which was exactly the opposite of what he wanted to do.

 

"I wanted it to be you," Kurt offered after a long moment of silence, looking over at Blaine again, much less sadness or embarrassment in his eyes than had been there before. "When I bumped into you, when I first saw you, I thought _wow_ I wish he was the one – but then as soon as you said that it was like a switch flipped and I was just scared that it was happening over again."

 

“But it wasn’t,” Blaine said quietly, his fingers curling around Kurt’s shoulder lightly as he gave it a little squeeze. “It isn’t. This is real.”

 

“This is real,” Kurt repeated, as though repeating the words would help them sink in. “ _This_ is real, you’re real, and this is it…”

 

“This _is_ it,” Blaine replied, and the words sent such a surge through him because they were true. Kurt was real and he was it, and he was sitting right there with Blaine’s hand still on his shoulder. “So… can I ask you something else?”

 

It was just that everything they’d been talking about had been so serious, and rightfully so, and he was glad they’d gotten it all out right away because it was important to know. Blaine appreciated knowing what had happened to cause Kurt’s initial reaction, but he didn’t want to dwell on it because they were together and keeping focused on that wasn’t the best way to move forward. So when Kurt nodded his agreement to being asked another question, a soft smile spread across Blaine’s features.

 

“Should I kiss you to make sure you feel something?”

 

From the look on Kurt’s face, that hadn’t been a question he’d been expecting. Blaine wasn’t sure what he _would_ have expected to have been asked, but it didn’t matter. He raised an eyebrow at Kurt, his eyes sparkling slightly to show that he was teasing – only a little, because he was serious about wanting to kiss him – and bit the inside of his lip with a grin when Kurt gave a soft smile and nodded again.

 

Blaine pulled his hand back from Kurt’s shoulder to shift his tray out of the way, glancing over toward the door to make sure none of the nurses were lingering to tell him to stay in his bed before getting to his feet in the small gap between their two beds, his legs feeling much steadier and willing to support him than they had been before. He knew he’d been joking about the possibility of Kurt not feeling something, or him not feeling anything either, but that didn’t stop the butterflies in his stomach – though he more so blamed them on the fact that he was about to _kiss Kurt_ and that in itself was enough to make him feel that swooping feeling like the kind he got when he was on a roller coaster and it crested a hill before rushing to the bottom of it. _That_ was what it felt like when he brought his hand up to cup Kurt’s jaw and he leaned down to press a soft kiss against his lips.

 

If he’d thought everything he’d felt on the train, in the subway station, had been intense and overwhelming, it was nothing compared to that split second of the first time their lips met. Blaine could feel it rushing through him like waves crashing on the shore, the immense feeling that _this_ was what he’d been waiting for his whole life, as if he hadn’t known already. It was incredible how much he could take in during those few seconds of the kiss, the soft press of Kurt’s lips against his, the way they’d parted slightly and caught against Blaine’s lower lip as if trying to keep hold of him, to keep him from pulling back and ending something so perfect – as if he would ever want to. It was that feeling all over again that he’d talked about when he’d called Cooper, like he could fly.

 

“Blaine?”

 

At first Blaine thought it was just because of that flying feeling and the reminder of his phone call with his brother that made him hear his voice, but then Kurt’s hand moved up to rest on his chest as he pulled back, and Blaine’s eyes fluttered open in time to see Kurt’s quick glance over toward the door. Blaine’s gaze followed, his breath still feeling caught in his throat from the kiss before his eyes landed on the figure in doorway, his brother lingering there and looking like a mixture of emotions was fighting inside him to see which one would get to take over his expression.

 

“Coop? What are you—”

 

The words had barely left Blaine's mouth before Cooper was crossing the room in long strides, squeezing his way between their beds to where Blaine was and engulfing him in what might have been the tightest hug of his life. Blaine brought his arms up to circle around him in return, lightly patting against his back after Cooper didn't let go after what would have been considered normal length for a hug. That didn't seem to deter his brother, who just tightened his arms around him a little more and let out a sigh close to his ear. It was a nice hug and Blaine appreciated it, as well as seeing his brother, but that didn't change the fact that he'd just been kissing Kurt and would have rather been doing that again than being held captive by Cooper.

 

"Cooper, what are you doing?" Blaine asked, his voice slightly muffled as he tilted his head back to try and look up at him. "Coop..."

 

"You didn't call and I thought – well, I thought something bad had happened..."

 

There was a long pause before Cooper's grip on him loosened slowly, the arms that had been like vices around his shoulders pulling back until Cooper's hands came to rest on his shoulders and squeezed them lightly. Blaine looked up at him, not thrilled that he'd caused so much worry in his brother to cause him to fly across the country to try and find him, but glad that he was there. He was the one person who had known, and Blaine was almost certain that he hadn't told their parents for fear of worrying them before it was necessary. It was like everything that had been playing in Cooper's expression before had quieted and calmed, and he looked much more at ease than he had when Blaine had first seen him standing there. Their eyes only met for a brief few seconds before Cooper's flitted over to Kurt, an easy smile spreading across his features.

 

"You must be Kurt," he said, dropping his hands from where they'd been resting on Blaine and extending one out to Kurt. Blaine took a step back so he wouldn't be in the way, his gaze flickering between the two of them before settling on Kurt, watching him shake Cooper's hand and knowing how that felt, knowing the soft touch of Kurt's palm and fingers resting against his so warm and solid and real. "I'm Cooper, Blaine's brother, it's so nice to meet you. I've heard such good thing about you."

 

"Oh really?" Kurt replied, an eyebrow quirking as he looked from Cooper to Blaine, and Blaine bit the inside of his lip as he tried to think about what he'd told Cooper about Kurt during their phone call. It seemed like it had happened so long before then, and he knew he hadn't exactly been completely coherent from how much he'd been freaking out about the potential of losing Kurt, but he didn't think he'd said _too_ much.

 

"I don't remember what I said," Blaine admitted, shrugging a shoulder and looking up at Cooper as if somehow that would help. "But there was no way any of it was bad."

 

"Well I think most of it was just kind of statement of fact but it was said in a flattering way," Cooper mused, his hand sliding out of Kurt's and moving back up to rest on Blaine's shoulder. "Though some of it was objective fact – I mean, you do have nice eyes but I'm not sure if I would go on about how _gorgeous_ they are like _some_ people might–"

 

Blaine shoved against Cooper's side, glad to be feeling like he had all his strength back so he could properly smack his brother for being stereotypical Cooper. He looked up at him, taking in his expression of mock bewilderment at what could have possibly caused Blaine to shove him in the first place, and wrinkled his nose in response. That seemed to be all it took, because Cooper's expression melted into a soft smirk, his eyes twinkling as he took a step back away from him. "Alright, alright, I see how it is. I'll leave you be – I wasn't supposed to be in here anyway, the nurses were keeping me at bay but then one of them abandoned her post. I saw the opportunity, and I took it!"

 

"I'll talk to you later, Coop," Blaine said, grateful that for once in his life Cooper could take a hint, but he was sure part of it was that the nurses _would_ find him there and then he probably wouldn't even be allowed to be in the waiting room.

 

"I'll be around, I need to call mom and stuff," Cooper replied, waving his hand airily as he backed toward the door. "Glad you're okay, both of you. And Kurt, again, wonderful to meet you..."

 

It wasn't until Cooper was completely gone from the room and Blaine could hear him down the hallway talking to a nurse – most likely being chastised and trying to sweet talk his way out of it – that Blaine turned back to look at Kurt, who was sitting propped up against his pillows and with an amused smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Blaine settled on the edge of Kurt's bed, sitting there and shaking his head as he tried to think of what to say.

 

"So you think my eyes are gorgeous?" Kurt asked in a soft tease, his hand reaching out and fingertips tracing along the back of Blaine's before taking it.

 

"Cooper is ridiculous," Blaine replied, rolling his eyes but a grin slowly spreading across his features as he curled his fingers around Kurt's. "But yes. I'm sure you already knew that about them, but they're gorgeous. Just like everything else I've encountered about you."

 

"Well if we're talking about eyes, I don't think it's right not to mention yours..." Blaine's gaze flickered up from their linked hands to meet Kurt's eyes, and he felt a little tug at his heart just like he was looking into them for the first time again. They really were gorgeous, though he didn't even think that was big enough a word to describe them. He knew he hadn't even tried when he'd been on the phone with Cooper, and he still didn't know where to start with them. Trying to name the color didn't even seem important, not with the way Kurt was looking at him like that, because how could he even see color when that was happening? "They make me feel like I'm drowning in them when you look at me."

 

"That doesn't sound like a good thing," Blaine commented softly, his brow furrowing slightly as he kept his gaze on Kurt's. "I don't want you to drown."

 

"No, I meant it in a good way," Kurt amended, shaking his head and giving Blaine's hand a squeeze as he leaned in closer. "They seem so deep that I _could_ drown in them, that's what I meant. It's like every time I think I've figured out all the different colors and layers of them, there's another fleck of something different, or the light catches them and there's a new way they sparkle, they're just... deep."

 

Kurt closed the short distance between them and pressed his lips against Blaine's, his free hand coming up to cup the back of his neck as the kiss seemed to shoot through Blaine's body like a rush of adrenaline, the soft press of Kurt's fingers against his skin and drifting up into his hair the kind of touch that made him want to curl into it forever and never leave. His own hand moved up to cradle Kurt's jaw, the gentle movement of their lips together making him feel like he might float up off the bed and not be able to come back down. Blaine wasn't sure if he would ever get used to what it felt like when he kissed Kurt, that weightless perfection that made it seem like he could conquer the world if he wanted.

 

It was different than the first time, both of them more sure of what they were doing and what it was like, the way even the smallest touch or kiss on the surface translated to a much bigger sensation inside – nothing erotic or anything like that, but just that every little moment externally felt like so much more internally. The kiss deepened easily, and Blaine's breath hitched as the tip of Kurt's tongue ghosted across his lower lip the first time. He let his own flick out to meet his, reveling in the taste of him on his tongue before he licked into his mouth and made a soft groan in the back of his throat at the way Kurt's tongue felt against his, how perfect it was to swallow down the little sound Kurt made as his tongue raked gently against the roof of his mouth. Everything about kissing Kurt felt like the most natural thing in the world, like it was the one of the main things he was meant to do with his life – and in essence it was, which was a task Blaine was glad to take on.

 

"Wow," he murmured against Kurt's lips when they finally pulled back for breath, his own falling raggedly as their foreheads pressed together. "Kurt..."

 

"Blaine..." Kurt replied, his fingertips twirling into the curls at the nape of Blaine's neck, his hair free from gel or any kind of restraint thanks to the time there in the hospital. His eyes opened and met Kurt's, and he brushed a soft kiss against his lips before sitting back slightly so he could see him better than he'd been able to at such close proximity – though he'd had no problems at all with being that close. It was just that Kurt looked like he'd been going for something more than just saying his name, and Blaine raised an eyebrow, thumb rubbing against the back of Kurt's hand that was still in his.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"Of course," Blaine answered, glad there was no twisting sensation in his stomach that might have otherwise come with such a question that was going to lead to more. They'd already tackled such difficult questions and conversations, so the possibility of there being something more concerning to discuss was slim. At least, he hoped that there wasn't something he'd missed. If there was, he wasn't sure what would have brought it to mind, not with the way that kiss had made him feel like his feet might lift off the ground the second he tried to stand on them again. The amount that Kurt paused after he'd given him the go ahead was almost enough to make him concerned all over again, but then he saw the slight twinkle in Kurt's eyes, the way the corners of his mouth looked like they were fighting to keep from turning up into a smirk as his gaze rose up to meet Blaine's.

 

"What else did you tell your brother about me?"

 

Blaine huffed out a breath disguising a chuckle and shook his head, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his lips before pulling back enough to whisper, "None of your business."

 

––––––––––––––-

 

It had never felt so good to be out on the streets of New York than when they were discharged from the hospital, a moment that Blaine was incredibly grateful to see. Cooper had stuck around long enough to make sure the paperwork was filled out correctly, considering Blaine hadn't been in his right mind when he'd gotten brought in, and to see that they were getting out before he'd said goodbye and given hugs to both of them and gotten in a cab bound for the airport. Blaine had been right in assuming that he hadn't told their parents, though he'd been the one to make the call to break the news that it _had_ happened but that everyone was fine, once he'd been sure that Blaine was okay and had actually seen them. There was no need for them to have had to go through it twice, Cooper had said, and he'd given a shrug and ruffled Blaine's hair in that way he knew he hated. He was right, because Blaine knew he wouldn't have wanted his parents to go through that stress and concern all over again – and in the end it had all worked out just fine, hadn't it?

 

There was the slight question of where to go first because even though Kurt lived closer, it wasn't like it was that much more distance to get to Blaine's apartment either. It wouldn't have been that big of a deal except they were going there together, to be together for the first time, and that made the decision have more gravitas than it would have otherwise. In the end they headed for Kurt's, because closer seemed better, and it wasn't like Blaine was going to complain either way because he got to be with Kurt and what did it matter where they were if they got to be together? Kurt had held his hand the entire walk to the subway, their fingers laced together and the occasional squeeze passing between them as they made their way to the station and down the stair to get to the turnstiles, only letting go to get out metrocards to swipe and go through before they were together again and descending further down to the platform.

 

It felt surreal to be waiting on the platform _with_ Kurt instead of waiting _for_ him. Blaine stood beside him there, waiting for the train, and closed his eyes to try to think back to how it had been before. He'd waited on the platform so long, for hours on end, just waiting to feel even just the tiniest tug at his heart to signify that Kurt was there. It felt so different with Kurt actually being there, not the same tugging sensation because that had ended well enough, but he felt like his heart was soaring instead. Blaine couldn't remember what it was like not to know him, not to have him, to still have a void in his life waiting to be filled.  It was like all of that had been erased as soon as Kurt had been there in that hospital room with him, though he could remember the darkness that had passed in the meantime, though it was faded and not nearly as intense as he would have expected. He could remember the hurt, the panic, but there was a light cast over it all because they had come out on the other side just fine.

 

Blaine savored the gentle rock of the train once they were on it, Kurt holding onto the railing above for stability and his own hand resting on one of the poles, but his other arm around Kurt's waist. There had been so many times he'd been on the subway, watching couples travelling together, thinking that one day that was going to be him and they had arrived at it – the one day he'd been waiting for. Based on how Kurt's arm curled around his shoulders, keeping him in close against his side, it seemed like he was thinking much the same. Not many words passed between them on the way, but they had spoken close to nonstop when they'd been in their hospital room so it didn't seem out of place to enjoy the silence – or as close to silent as they could get there in the car. There was the background noise of other people, the mechanical creaks that came with the train on the tracks, and the occasional announcement on the speaker – a voice blaring out, jumbled and static to announce upcoming stations.

The stop for Kurt's apartment was the same one where Blaine had waited all those days, and he breathed a sigh of relief when they stepped off the train onto the platform and he knew he was there without having a weight pressing down on him anymore. It had been happenstance that he hadn't seen Kurt on any of those days in between when he'd first felt him and the day that he finally had, schedules being different and timing being off – but then again, it was happenstance that he'd been there in the first place, so he couldn't exactly be too concerned about that what ifs and possibilities that could have been had he been there at different times, ones that would have aligned with Kurt's schedule. Those didn't matter when reality was so much better than they ever could have been, and despite the fact that that platform and station held so many mixed memories and emotions to him, Blaine knew that he would only associate the best ones with it from that point forward.

 

"This is it," Kurt announced softly after they'd walked a short ways from the station, turning a few corners to arrive at his apartment building. It looked nice enough, though Blaine was sure it definitely was if Kurt lived there. He leaned over and pressed a kiss against Blaine's cheek, causing a smile to spread across his features as he squeezed Kurt's hand in response. "It's not messy or anything, but I wasn't exactly expecting company... or to be out of it for a few days..."

 

"Kurt, I'm sure it's perfect," Blaine replied, giving his shoulder a gentle nudge before they headed inside, taking the stairs up to the right floor and going down the hall to get to Kurt's door. Kurt let go of Blaine's hand to pull out his keys and unlock the door so they could go in, and he took off his coat as soon as they did, hanging it on one of the hooks by the door before taking Blaine's once he shrugged it off.

 

The apartment itself was the small side because it was a studio, but Blaine’s was as well so it wasn’t as though he’d expected anything different. There wasn't much call for extra room when it was just one person living there. The layout of the apartment appeared to be similar to his own, as well, but he never would have claimed that his apartment was anything like Kurt’s. He loved his apartment, the small amount of furniture he had, the décor on the walls, the comfort of it being _home_ to him for several years – but Kurt’s was something different entirely, and he took it in bit by bit as he walked further into it once their coats had been hung by the door and shoes had been taken off as well.

 

“It feels so good to be here again,” Kurt said as he stepped in after him, and Blaine let his gaze flicker around the apartment before looking back to Kurt. It looked homey, but in a way completely apart from how his did. The bed was made with a comforter that looked soft and warm, his desk looked organized and often used, and the couple of chairs off to the side looked vintage and well loved. Every little detail so clearly reflected the man Blaine had gotten to know over the past couple days, and he could feel a sense of happiness and belonging swelling up inside of him as Kurt slipped a hand into his. “Or anywhere but the hospital, really.”

 

“But especially here,” Blaine added, giving his hand a squeeze and leaning up to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Right?”

 

“Especially here,” Kurt repeated with a nod before turning enough so he could kiss Blaine full on the mouth, a gesture that seemed so normal and old hat by that point but still sent a thrill running through him – more muted than it had been at first but still there, and Blaine was sure it always would be. If he felt like he had the first time every time they kissed he was sure he might not ever recover, so in a way he was glad it had faded but also that it was lingering enough to not be gone completely. His hand came up to rest on Kurt's jaw as they pulled apart, soft breath mixing between them as they stood so close still.

 

"I love your apartment," Blaine whispered, his thumb tracing lightly along the apple of Kurt's cheek. He felt the smile underneath his hand before he actually saw it, and he pressed a quick kiss against it before taking a small step back to look around the apartment again. "It's very you."

 

"Thanks," Kurt replied, his own gaze following Blaine's around it before he gave a tug of his hand to turn him around to see the rest. "The kitchen's small, but it's nice enough..." He gestured over to it, and Blaine glanced into it briefly before Kurt was leading him over to the door on the other side. "The bathroom... well, it's kind of small too but it's bigger than a lot of places had. I didn't want to feel like I might knock things over any time I brushed my teeth or did my hair, so..."

 

The door had been open already, and Blaine leaned in to take a peek as Kurt flicked the light on. It was bigger than the bathroom in his apartment, he could tell that right away, but it wasn't like it was completely disproportionate to the rest of the apartment. Blaine smiled softly as he took it in – the way everything on the shelves looked so specifically organized that he could imagine how annoying it would have been if they'd been getting knocked over constantly. "It's nice," he commented, glancing back at Kurt. "I like the tile – it's a lot more colorful than the stuff in my apartment."

 

"I like that, too," Kurt said, looking down at the floor and smiling softly. "That was a pretty good selling point, along with the size." He paused, his hand pressing against the door frame as he pursed his lips for a moment before speaking again. "I was going to... take a shower."

 

"Oh, right," Blaine replied, blinking once and looking over to the shower before nodding. "That's probably a good idea, I feel kind of grimy after not being able to for a few days." He wrinkled his nose, shaking his head as he thought through the days at the hospital and the fact that he felt like he was covered in at least a thin layer of unclean – and also that Kurt had seen him like that right at the beginning of their relationship. Then again, after that, anything would be an improvement, he was sure. "Is it alright if I take one when you're done?"

 

"Well, I was going to say... if you want, you can take one with me..."

 

Blaine looked back at him, catching him right before Kurt's gaze flickered up from the floor to meet his. He knew it had been inevitable because that was the whole point of them getting back to the apartment – not that it felt like some sort of dictated act because he wanted to, and Kurt clearly did as well, but there Kurt was right in front of him, offering him that right there in that moment. Kurt's head tilted to the side, as if putting a question mark on his offer, and Blaine leaned in to press a soft kiss against his lips before murmuring, "I would love that."

 

Kurt kissed him again briefly before slipping past him into the bathroom to get the water started, leaning down to check the temperature as Blaine glanced around for an extra towel since he could see there was only one hanging on the rack. There was a shelf with a few and he took one, hanging it beside Kurt's so it would be easy to reach, and then grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head as Kurt switched the water to the shower head and turned back around. He let his shirt drop to the floor as he looked at Kurt, watching his gaze slowly drag up over his chest before meeting his, and Kurt took a step forward to rest his hand against his skin, running it up his chest and over his shoulder to cup the back of his neck.

 

"I wanted to do that," Kurt murmured, drawing in closer to kiss him.

 

It was almost as though Blaine forgot how to breathe with how Kurt was kissing him, because it wasn't anything like it had been before. It felt like it held more weight than any of the other ones had, like it was full of intent, full of wanting. Blaine's hands slid to the front of Kurt's shirt, fingertips running over the fabric as he took in the feel of it for a moment, his tongue stroking evenly against Kurt's as he ran his thumb along the buttons on the front of the shirt, getting to the top and starting to undo them, working his way down to the bottom. Maybe it was unfair because he hadn't given Kurt the chance to take off his, but he figured they had plenty of time and there would be so many more opportunities for Kurt to take his clothes off him in the future.

 

His hands slid up under his shirt once it was undone, moving along the broad planes of his chest as he pushed it back off his shoulders and moved it down his arms, fingers curling around his biceps on their way down the length of his arms to make sure the shirt got all the way off and fell to the floor as they moved a step further toward the shower. Kurt tilted his chin down to break the kiss and draw in a breath, and Blaine's eyes fluttered open to look at him, his gaze roving over his torso and chest, his hands still lingering down by Kurt's wrists for a brief moment before he brought them in to rest against his sides, thumbs rubbing against his ribs as he leaned in and pressed an open mouthed kiss against the crook of his neck, letting his tongue flick out against his skin and making Kurt's breath hitch.

 

Kurt's head tilted to the side to give him better access to his neck as Blaine kept kissing against him, his hands moving to find the waistband of Blaine's pants so he could work on getting them undone. Blaine could feel the muscles in his stomach jump as Kurt's knuckles brushed against them as his fingers swiftly undid the button and zipper. He gave one last kiss against Kurt's neck before he pulled back so he could focus his attention on getting Kurt's pants undone, too. It wasn't like it was that difficult of a task, but it wasn't that easy to concentrate when Kurt was shimmying his pants down his hips and thighs. They both wore pants that were tight enough that they wouldn't just go down the rest of the way on their own, and once Blaine had Kurt's undone he hooked his fingers in the waistband and tugged them down, crouching to get them all the way to his ankles so Kurt could step out of them before he shoved his own the rest of the way down and pulled his feet from the pool of denim at his feet.

 

The only things left were the boxer briefs both of them were wearing, and Blaine slid his arm around Kurt's waist to pull him in close and press a searing kiss against his mouth, his tongue barely flicking against his lips before licking inside as he pressed up against him, feeling Kurt hard against his hip and knowing Kurt was feeling the same from him because he knew if Kurt hadn't gone to get his pants off him when he did, he would have done so on his own from how tight and restrictive they'd been seeming thanks to how hard he was getting. He caught Kurt's lower lip in his, dragging his teeth against the inside of it before letting it go with a pop and looking up at him through his eyelashes.

 

As if Blaine had ever thought it was possible for Kurt's eyes to be more incredible, they were, right in that moment. They were still that stormy blue-grey that he couldn't quite put his finger on but they were _dark_ and hungry – hungry for _him_ – and he barely got a glimpse of them before Kurt crashed their mouths together again and let his hips absently rock in against Blaine's, drawing a moan from both of them before they broke the kiss for breath. Blaine exhaled raggedly and let his fingers trace across the top of Kurt's waistband, drawing a line from hip to hip before pulling his arm from around him and taking a step back with the thought of getting rid of that last barrier keeping Kurt from being naked, but Kurt beat him to it and slid his own underwear down before reaching for Blaine's, dragging them down his legs and letting his fingertips run the whole length of the way down until he was kneeling down on one knee and looking up at him.

 

Blaine reached down to cup Kurt's jaw, his breath hitching from how much he knew that image was going to stick in his memory for the rest of his life, and guided him back up onto his feet, his gaze raking over him and taking him in. Kurt truly was the most breathtaking person he'd ever seen, and Blaine had thought that long before he saw him naked – all long, muscular legs and arms, and the freckles dancing across the bridge of his nose and his cheeks. It was like no matter how much Blaine looked, there was always going to be something new to see and find gorgeous, something new to fall in love with, and there was just so much to take in that all he wanted to do was look at him. Well, maybe that wasn't _all_ , but it was definitely a big part of it.

 

"C'mere," Kurt murmured, his hand moving to the back of Blaine's neck again and bringing him forward as he took a step back, slowly moving back the small distance to the shower before he reached to pull the curtain back and let go of Blaine to step inside. Blaine followed suit, stepping in and letting the hot water run over his skin as Kurt pulled the curtain shut on the other side of him.

 

The water felt good, definitely exactly what was going to be needed to get Blaine feeling like he was finally clean again – but that wasn't the point of that moment, not at all. Getting clean would come in due time, but there was no way he was going to focus on scrubbing soap over his body or lathering shampoo into his hair when Kurt stepped up, his arms wrapping around Blaine's torso from behind and pulling him back against him as his head dipped down and his lips moved up the side of Blaine's neck. Blaine brought a hand up to rest against the back of Kurt's head, fingers threading into his hair, already wet from the spray of water from above, and let his eyes flutter closed as Kurt sucked softly just below his ear.

 

Blaine could feel the absent movement of Kurt's hips, and he pressed his ass back against him a little, feeling Kurt's groan vibrate against his skin and send a shudder of pleasure through his body. He brought his free hand up to rest over Kurt's, squeezing it lightly as he gave a little moan from Kurt's teeth grazing over his skin. The spray of the water hit hard against his chest but he could barely feel it compared to everything else – the way Kurt's free hand was roaming against his stomach, fingertips brushing against his hips, and how his tongue had started to flick against his earlobe.

 

"Kurt," he groaned softly, dropping his hand from his hair to grasp his other one as well and loosen the hold of Kurt's arms around him enough to be able to turn in them and lean up to kiss him. It felt incredible to be held in Kurt's arms like that, so strong and firm holding him in close but not so close that Blaine couldn't drag his hand down Kurt's chest and stomach, tracing over his skin as his fingers made their way down to the soft skin of his groin. He nipped lightly at his lower lip as he ran his fingertips up the length of Kurt's cock where it was pressing against him, a whine resonating in the back of his throat.

 

He traced his touch back down to the base, his hand circling around it as Kurt pulled one of his arms from around Blaine so he could do the same, and as Blaine's hand stroked up over him the first time, Kurt's fingertip rubbed up under the ridge of his cock before moving back down wrap around him fully and give a firm stroke. Moans from both of them echoed in the shower, the repetitive patter of the water hitting their skin completely drowned out by panting breath and the little sounds that neither of them could have stopped from escaping even if they'd wanted to.

 

Blaine tilted his chin up to press a kiss against Kurt's lips, swallowing a groan from him as he gave a twist of his wrist, his thumb rubbing up into the slit before dragging down the length of his dick on the way back down. He loved the feel of Kurt in his hand, just like he knew he was bound to love how he felt in his mouth, in his ass – if those were things that Kurt wanted, because he would have been fine with them all. It was the same with how he felt about Kurt's hand around him – Kurt's hand that had felt so wonderfully when Blaine had shaken in the first time was just as great around his cock, stroking so sure and steady and making his toes curl against the shower floor.

 

Kurt pulled his mouth back with a whine as he shifted his hips slightly, thrusting up into Blaine's hand but then also shifting them closer together before he reached to still Blaine's hand on him. Blaine's gaze flickered up to meet his, blinking a few times to get the water droplets off his eyelashes as he attempted to draw in a deep breath. He glanced back down when he felt Kurt's hand moving, not to stroke against him more but to let go, and to pull Blaine's off him – or at least that was what it felt like, but then Blaine saw what he was doing and groaned softly, watching as Kurt stretched his fingers out to wrap around both of their cocks, holding them together between them. Blaine moved his hand in to cover the other side from Kurt's hand, fingers curling around and his eyes fluttering closed as his hand guided up with Kurt's in a slow stroke over them.

 

"Oh m'god," Blaine moaned, his head tilting back as he took in the sensation of Kurt against him and their hands moving so steadily together. He'd been sure he was going to come at any minute before, just with Kurt's hand on him, but it was even that much better with how it was going then. He could feel _everything_ and it was sending shivers through his body, made him feel like every inch of his skin was tingling. He opened his eyes to look up at Kurt, taking in the way his eyes were closed and his eyelashes fanned out against his cheeks, how his lips were parted and breathy little whimpers were falling from them every few strokes of their hands up over the length of their cocks together.

 

It was like everything was that much more amplified, because not only could Blaine feel how close he was getting, he could also feel how close Kurt was getting too. He could see the way his body shuddered when Blaine let his thumb rub up over the head of both their cocks before dragging down the side of them where they were pressed together. Blaine could feel his own body tensing, feel the way Kurt's fingers flexed slightly as he moaned, and he brought his free hand up to grip against Kurt's bicep, feeling the shift of muscles under his fingers each time his hand moved between them.

 

Heat flooded down low in Blaine's stomach, almost like it was pouring from his limbs and emptying there in anticipation, and his grip tightened slightly on Kurt's arm as he bit the inside of his lip, making it through half a dozen more strokes of their hands before he came with a broken moan, his body tensing as he spilled over their hands and slicked the slide of them. He'd barely started to come down, his hand still working with Kurt's to pull him over the edge too, when Kurt groaned deep in his chest and Blaine felt him pulsing in his hand. He shifted his hips back, nudging Kurt's hand away from their cocks as he wrapped his hand around Kurt's and stroked him through it, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his clavicle as he saw Kurt's body start to relax again.

 

There was quiet in the shower once they'd both come down, save for ragged breath passing between them and the sound of the water relentlessly beating down. Blaine pulled his hand away once Kurt had started to soften, wrapping his arms around his waist and hugging him in closely as they let the water wash over them. Kurt's hand shifted up the length of Blaine's back to come to rest on the back of his head, fingers threading into his hair and keeping him cradled against his shoulder, which was fine by Blaine. He could feel how Kurt was breathing, could feel how hard his heart was beating in his chest – much like how his own was. It felt so perfect to be standing there, so wrapped in each other and fully complete, that Blaine wasn't sure if he'd ever want to move.

 

Kurt moved first, though it was slowly and only so his fingertips could drag over Blaine's shoulders and down the length of his spine, stopping at the small of his back and then making their way back up to his hair. No words were said, because it didn't feel like anything _needed_ to be said, until Kurt drew in a sharp breath and broke the silence.

 

"I'm yours."

 

The words were said so quietly that Blaine thought he might have imagined them being spoken against his hair, which was where Kurt's mouth was resting, but he didn't. Those words that he'd said at the subway station, the same words that had made Kurt bolt away from him, echoed in his head until he realized that Kurt had actually said them, and Blaine slowly lifted his head up from Kurt's shoulder to look at him. He knew that Kurt was his, just like he was Kurt's, and while he knew that they had just sealed everything as they were supposed to and were glad to do, he wasn't sure what had drawn Kurt to say it like he had. Until he followed Kurt's gaze, eyes moving down his arm where Kurt had extended it, until he saw.

 

On the inside of Kurt's wrist, standing out starkly against his fair skin, was a black mark – looking like a flourish that someone might have added on the end of a piece of calligraphy. Blaine stared at it for a moment before pulling his arms from around Kurt's waist and looking down at both his wrists, seeing an identical mark on the inside of one of them. It wasn't as though there had ever been any doubt, or any question in his mind, but seeing those marks there on their skin was like the final confirmation that they were together, and together forever, and he brought his hand up to cover his mouth for a brief moment as the emotion of it washed through him.

 

"You..." Blaine reached for Kurt's wrist, fingers curling around it and pulling it in so he could press his lips against the mark, dotting kisses along it before tilting his head back enough that he could just run his thumb over it, committing it to memory even though there was no need. He let his gaze flicker back up to meet Kurt's, a smile spreading across his features. "You're mine."

 

"And you," Kurt replied, bringing Blaine's wrist up so he could leave a lingering kiss against the mark on it, "are mine."

 

Showering together turned out to be an even better idea than Blaine had thought in the first place, which he would have considered difficult to accomplish. It was just that it afforded them both the opportunity to truly get to know the other's body, even more than they had already. Blaine had been more than glad to lather body wash into a loofah and meticulously wash over every inch of Kurt's skin, learning the way the backs of his knees were ticklish but his sides weren't at all, and how he his back arched just so if Blaine scratched against his scalp while he was massaging shampoo into his hair. It was the same way the Kurt learned about and grew fascinated with the birthmark on Blaine's back, kissing it and tracing over it even though Blaine told him the first time that it tickled. It was the perfect opportunity to get to take in what made the other tick, and while Blaine knew they had plenty of time to learn it all and experience all these things, it was nice to be able to take that time and get to learn some of it right then.

 

Blaine didn't have any clothes with him other than what he'd been wearing before, which was what he'd worn to the hospital in the first place and there was no way he was about to put on well-worn out clothes when he'd just gotten clean, though he got the feeling Kurt didn't mind that he didn't have anything else. It took a lot of effort for them to get out of the shower, but the water had started to go cold and that was as good a cue as any that perhaps it was time. Blaine passed Kurt his towel first before reaching for his own, methodically drying himself off as well as he could before stepping out of the shower and onto the mat, rubbing the towel over his hair to get as much of the water out of curls as possible before wrapping it around his hips and tying it as securely as he was able. Kurt wasn't far behind, towel also wrapped around his hips as he stepped onto the mat and took Blaine's hand, pulling him out of the bathroom and back to the main room of the apartment.

 

Clothes didn't matter so much when all they were doing was shedding their towels and climbing into bed, and Blaine wasn't sure if it was that Kurt's bed was extra comfortable or if the hospital beds had been so bad that anything would have felt amazing afterward, but he was willing to bet that it was partially both those things and then also that Kurt was there with him. It felt so good to be feeling so clean, refreshed, and at ease with the world, lying there next to the person he knew he wasn't ever going to have to say goodbye to, to the person who made him feel like his heart was leaping in his chest with the smallest touch, the softest laugh, and in the better light of the room as opposed to the shower, it was easier to see how beautifully their marks stood out against their skin, almost pressed together with how their hands were linked between them.

 

That was what made it worth it – all the searching, hoping, occasional desperation. There had been heartbreak, but only enough to prove that it was real, enough to make them fight to get to each other, and in the end that was exactly where they ended up. As Blaine laid there beside Kurt, head resting on his shoulder with Kurt's head turned to press a kiss against his still damp hair, he knew he wouldn't change any of it for the world.

 

They'd ended up together, and their journey was their own. They had the whole world in front of them, and he couldn't wait. 

 


End file.
